Wednesday, 29 August 2012

Brave [3D]

If everybody involved put as much effort into the rest of the film as they did into the hair FX then maybe they'd have made a Pixar movie instead of a Dreamworks movie. Dazzling hair though.

Tuesday, 28 August 2012

Frightfest 2012 Reflection

Another 23 films across 5 days and this time it wasn't the shock to the system that last year was.
As well as the films we also saw Ross Noble miming the picking up of an orphan by slotting a testicle into its emptied eye socket, we saw Alex Garland get increasingly uncomfortable as he struggled to answer simple questions about Dredd ("How did you choose the director?", "um... er.... fuck...") and we saw Simon Pegg ram his nose so far up Greg Nicotero's ass it's a wonder that Nicotero was able to walk afterward.
Dario Argento's hour long interview on the Friday meandered between unintelligent Italian mumbling and softly spoken scathing comments (on the Suspiria remake: "they think they can do better? Let them try"), it's a terrible shame he didn't bring a film with him but to see him have a stumbling natter was (occasionally) illuminating none the less. It's a shame the Q&A at the end descended into passive-aggressive attention seeking mingled with unashamed arse snogging. With tongues if they could.
Nearly every film this year had cast and crew in attendance, which meant nearly every film had an audience Q&A at the end, which in turn meant nearly every film had some idiot flapping their useless jaws and allowing the baffling bullshit that should really be kept inside their little heads to just flow out. One chap stepped up at the end of The Seasoning House and proclaimed "It was unconvincing. Any chance of a recut?" What a prick.
The short film showcase was once again superb. The best was Gargols, a Spanish short about an invasion of giant snails. There was also telekinetic children, tentacles and heavy metal demons on offer. Probably the most memorable moment (for all the wrong reasons) is when a man a few rows back had a seizure just as, on screen, a lady was sewing her mimsy shut. He had to be taken away in an ambulance.
And the films. After a slow start the quality really began to pick up. The programming order was a touch odd (2 comedies and a film about rape for opening night), and the amount of rape featured in the films caused twitter voices to get shrill despite the fact that there were only really 2 films that went down that route. Nobody got angry about the amount of times we had to watch male genitalia get torn off and then dangled in our face though, there's equality working a treat.
However the biggest surprise to be had this weekend was that the best film we saw was a remake. Lists:
5 favourites;
1) Maniac [2012 Remake]
2) American Mary
3) Tulpa
4) V/H/S
5) Sinister
5 not favourites;
1) After
2) Outpost II: Black Sun
3) Dead Sushi [Deddo sushi]
4) Stitches
5) The Possession
Thanks to Ali, Joe and Ted for keeping the migraines in check. More next year?

Monday, 27 August 2012

Tower Block

(Frightfest Day 5)
Shades of Carpenter in a film that's best if you ignore the vapid plot and just enjoy the characters.
A much better end to Frightfest than last year.

The Possession

(Frightfest Day 5)
Competent cookie cutter crap.


(Frightfest Day 5)
Impressively bleak examination of a skewed father/son relationship with an ending that would be far more powerful if Lynch hadn't been shying away from it for the rest of the film.


(Frightfest Day 5)
Begins with a hackneyed, blatantly signposted 'people in a coma' concept and then goes on to hammer itself into uncharted depths of its own ass.

American Mary

(Frightfest Day 5)
Like a sexy back-street Cronenberg. Brilliant.

Dead Sushi [Deddo sushi]

(Frightfest Day 4)
Protractedly stupid for every second of its running time. Occasionally this meant it was funny, usually it just meant it was fucking stupid.

Sunday, 26 August 2012


(Frightfest Day 4)
Fairly excellent collection of creepy home videos and shock moments that made every muscle in my body clench.

Berberian Sound Studio

(Frightfest Day 4)
An admirable whir of dread that never quite becomes as unhinged as it needs to. Does have the scariest vegetables i've seen in a while though.

Sleep Tight [Mientras duermes]

(Frightfest Day 4)
A superbly executed misanthrope's dream, rich in deviance.

Maniac [2012 Remake]

( Frightfest Day 3)
You know how sitting in the front seat of a rollercoaster makes the ride a better, more intense experience? This does the same thing, only you know, for slasher movies.

Saturday, 25 August 2012


(Frightfest Day 3)
Chronic acting, risible dialogue, over-stylized deaths, pretty ladies and a batshit insane ending. Giallo is indeed back and I personally loved every minute.

Under The Bed

(Frightfest Day 3)
Such a good mix of Nightmare On Elm St and The Gate, that collosally fucks up its ending. As in "Amazing, cool, amazing, yes, great, FUCK!"

Paura 3D

(Frightfest Day 3)
Some ordinary blokes have a fairly tense day and the directors proceed to show it off in some of the best use of 3D i've seen yet.

Outpost II: Black Sun

(Frightfest Day 3)
There was no point during this movie where I had a particularly clear idea of what the fuck was going on. This was either because it was a total ballsack of a movie or because I micro-napped through a great deal of it.
Or both.
(It's both).


(Frightfest Day 3)
Excellent documentary about seventies poliziotteschi movies. Carries itself primarily on its massive levels of enthusiasm for the genre, bolstered by some exceptionally fine clip choices.
I now want to see all these movies.


(Frightfest Day 2)
Wooden peurile nonsense that comes off like a bad Wishmaster movie. Neat Slo-mo gore though.

Friday, 24 August 2012

[REC]³ Génesis

(Frightfest Day 2)
Quickly drops the found footage business and goes for Evil Dead 2 instead. Makes a pretty good job of it too.


(Frightfest Day 2)
Superb anthology movie that kicks the corpse of found footage around with gleeful abandon. The first tale is great, and every other is better than the previous.

Hidden In The Woods [En las afueras de la ciudad]

(Frightfest Day 2)
A gruelling combination of ADHD and constant physical abuse.

Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut

(Frightfest Day 2)
A whole hour longer!
Still shit.


(Frightfest Day 1)
Given the central theme of drunkeness that runs throughout it's ironic then that the film struggles to be coherent and is nowhere near as funny as it thinks it is.

Thursday, 23 August 2012

Cockneys vs Zombies

(Frightfest Day 1)
Do we really need another zombie comedy?
Turns out the answer is yes, as long as Richard Briers is involved.

The Seasoning House

(Frightfest Day 1)
Beautifully shot with some startling FX work and an exceptional central performance, which is lucky because the only real glaring error here is confusing having a great character with having a story.

The Expendables 2

Hilarious bollocks where the only person who isn't in on the joke is the incompetent director.

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

Nude Nuns With Big Guns

An attempt to join in with the Neo-Grindhouse business, particularly Rodriguez's side of things.
Which means far, far too many characters all of whom are introduced by scratchy freeze frames and a lazy twang of surf guitar before being stylishly murdered by a grumpy nun, who is sometimes nude.

Monday, 13 August 2012

The Reef

Struggles to overcome the sameyness brought on by putting its main characters in the middle of an ocean and then terrorising them with the same six camera shots for the rest of the movie.

Sunday, 12 August 2012


Somebody else's love letter to the eighties with a funny bear and some swearing. 

Friday, 10 August 2012

Demons Never Die

Giallo via Hollyoaks.
Does not contain any demons, does have a drum n bass sex scene.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Martha Marcy May Marlene

An exceptional menace bleeding from the most placid of evils, made all the more insidious by only ever glimpsing a much bleaker story left unsaid.

A Bug's Life

At the start the child said "We watch too many films about bugs" (me: "Do we?"), by the end she had been completely won round to the idea of having one more film in her life about bugs.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

The Dead

A dreary montage of zombies doddering about, zombies biting things and zombies receiving CGI head wounds.

Monday, 6 August 2012

102 Dalmatians


Am presently giving serious consideration to banning the words "It's my turn to choose the movie" from the household.

Saturday, 4 August 2012

The Turin Horse [A Torinói ló]

Seeks to show the menial, banal repetitive nature of human existence by being menial, banal and repetitive. Clever.

Tales Of The Night [Les contes de la nuit]

A quick study in the effortless creation of new fairytales along with a demonstration in how they're best served by simplicity and elegance.
Also features a dancing porcupine.

Friends With Benefits

A pair of young, attractive, successful people living a fantasy lifestyle decry the fantasy reality of romantic comedies and instead try to live a very different (albeit with many similarities) fantasy reality all the while growing to realise that they actually are living the romantic comedy fantasy reality and maybe they should just embrace it.

Wednesday, 1 August 2012

Horrible Bosses

Worth it for Farrell's cranially bloated coke fiend. He should have a movie of his own.

Fando & Lis [Fando y Lis]


A simple story of a man struggling with the onset of adulthood, instead choosing to pursue a childhood dream whilst trying to maintain a relationship with his abused, paraplegic girlfriend, all rendered through Jodorowsky's kaleidoscope of surrealism.