Sunday, 28 October 2012

Harold And Maude

If you cut a Wes Anderson movie, this film will come spilling out. I became convinced he had used a time machine to go back in time and make it.
It's brilliant.

The Dead Zone

Who would've thought that there could be such a perfect intersection between the acting talents of Christopher Walken, the directing talents of David Cronenberg and the writing talents of Stephen King.
Yet here it is.

The Helpers

Moronic nonsense that's so misguided in thinking it's clever it feels the need to end with a 10 min rundown of events from the film with Scooby-Doo style flashbacks.
"You mean the bad guys set up the roadblock? Shit! No way!" etc.

Zombie Flesh Eaters [Zombie/Zombi 2]

As much as it is a privilege to see a Fulci on the big screen it's unlikely to stop his films being boring as fuck.
This one features the iconic zombie vs shark wrestle amongst other highlights but was still boring as fuck.

Bait 3D

A laughable conflation of shark movies and disaster movies. Had a lot more going for it than I expected though the 3D was shit.

The Tall Man [The Secret]

Laugier once again displays astounding skill in manipulating both audience expectations and assumptions. Absolute magnificence.


Baffling attempts at mysticism awkwardly combined with mystique dispelling exposition.


Dysfunction, high school and unnecessary surgery struggle to fully gel together.

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Cannibal Holocaust

A cautionary tale advising against going on a spontaneous rape frenzy when investigating primitive tribes.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Holy Motors

An incandescent tumble of imagery that muses on the three big issues; life, death & film.

Saturday, 20 October 2012


Atrocious acting, awful script, leaden film-making, dire bollocks.

Hotel Transylvania [3D]

Tartakovsky ably retains his inimitable style as he moves into 3D animation delivering a lightweight but thoroughly likeable kids movie.

Monday, 15 October 2012

For Love's Sake [Ai to makoto / The Legend Of Love & Sincerity]

Only Miike could get away with combining cheesy musical numbers with massive levels of street violence.
Yet get away with it he does.

Sunday, 14 October 2012


A story about celebrity, close-ups of needles, secret panels and a very, very sick man.
Some would say the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree, i'd say the apple hasn't even bothered leaving the tree.

Rust & Bone [De rouille et d'os]

A bare sketch of a human looks to a killer whale trainer to add detail to his existence. Has a tendency to confuse things that are profound with things that are just a bit random.

John Dies At The End

A litany of insanities that include such gems as a killer moustache, a door-knob that turns into a human-nob and a great "who is driving the car?" moment all viewed through a prism of drug use, time travel and play-school philosophy.
My favourite of the day.

The We And The I

A group of youngsters act obnoxious and self absorbed in an extended hip-hop video by a more mature Gondry than we've seen in the past.

Room 237

A demonstration of how Kubrick's meticulous ways with mise en scene left gaps in the Shining that are exploited to their fullest by passionate crackpot theorists.

Beasts Of The Southern Wild

Made me weep like a baby. Bastards.

End Of Watch

An immense satisfaction derived from watching people who enjoy each other's company, their job and doing it well.

Thursday, 11 October 2012


If Pulp Fiction were written by Clive Barker and directed by Tarsem you'd get an incredible film. Necromentia is an attempt to make that film for under a tenner.

Sunday, 7 October 2012

Sleeping Dogs [Sleeping Dogs Lie]

Another fine example of Goldthwait's exceptional ability to wrangle tenderness from the most unexpected of sources.

Saturday, 6 October 2012

The Brown Bunny

I'm sure Vincent Gallo was aiming for savagely poetic but an over-abundance of self indulgence means he's ended up with meandering tedium rounded off with a sloppy blowjob.

Hellraiser: Deader

A clumsy script competes with editing that looks like it was done by a chimp to see which one is more detrimental to a film already best described as unnecessary.

Friday, 5 October 2012

The Emperor's New Groove

Underrated Disney gem that is closer in spirit to the Looney Tunes mayhem of the fifties. The only way it could've been improved is if Chris Farley had stayed off the coke n whores and lived to voice the peasant instead of Goodman.