Monday, 28 January 2013

Zero Dark Thirty

A drab and tedious summation of the hunt for Bin Laden. Having somebody read out select American news reports from the last decade in a monotone voice would probably yield similar results.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Monsters, Inc. [3D]

Fuck me, that door sequence looks good in 3D.

The Wig [Gabal/Scary Hair]

Melodramatic nonsense concerning a wig possessed by the ghost of the wearer's sister's ex-boyfriend's secret homosexual lover. Difficult to take seriously.

Thursday, 24 January 2013

Headhunters [Hodejegerne]

A clever caper.

Monday, 21 January 2013

Django Unchained

Tarantino's best in some time would still be just as good if it were 45 mins shorter.

Friday, 18 January 2013

Lovely Molly

I spent most of this movie distracted by my brain shrieking "WHY DID SHE MOVE BACK THERE? IS SHE FUCKING STUPID?", that and "OH SHIT, IT'S LAST EXORCISM ALL OVER AGAIN".
I must teach my brain not to speak in all caps.

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Reservoir Dogs

Eight men use one man's voice to tell a series of shaggy dog stories punctuated with iconic images.
I was amazed at just how much of this film is still indelibly stamped on my memory.

Monday, 14 January 2013

Gangster Squad

A cast that's far to good for this kind of bullshit casually deliver stillborn dialogue whilst the director flaps about trying to decide what movie he's making and failing hideously.

Sunday, 13 January 2013

Two Evil Eyes [ Due occhi diabolici]

A pair of adaptations; Romero turns Poe into a Tales From The Crypt episode whilst Argento turns Poe into a thunderous avalanche of hyper-stylised illogic.

Thursday, 10 January 2013


An excellent horror movie disguised as a metaphysical collapse seasoned with hints of both Lynch and Polanski.

Monday, 7 January 2013


A remarkably unflustered Jack Nicholson carefully navigates a tangle of corruption and deceit. An impeccable film.

Friday, 4 January 2013

Marebito [The Stranger From Afar]

A Japanese horror film with heavy Lovecraft overtones from the director of The Grudge and starring the director of Tetsuo. Win all round.

Thursday, 3 January 2013

The Human Centipede 2 [Full Sequence]

At its core there's a brilliant, intelligent concept and the whole thing is shot in an almost arthouse style, which was a surprise. Unfortunately it's all marred by a peurile need to constantly push excess to redundant extremes.

Eugenie, The Story Of Her Journey Into Perversion [Marquis De Sade's 'Philosophy In The Boudoir']

Playful smut bookended by Christopher Lee marching around human sacrifice rituals boldly proclaiming on sadism.

Pieces [Mil gritos tiene la noche]

Lashings of nudity and dismemberment all held together by gloriously stupid dialogue delivered in the stilted manner of somebody trying to hold off a colossal shit.

Wednesday, 2 January 2013


Would've been great if Wes Bentley was able to pull off 'menacing', unfortunately he just about manages 'a bit miffed' before visibly giving up and just doing 'shouty'.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

The Polar Express

The magic of Christmas envisioned as a series of rollercoasters.