Tuesday, 19 February 2013

The King Of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters

A far more enjoyable flipside to Wreck-It Ralph, where video gaming isn't about being yourself, it's about getting a high score.

Lust For A Vampire [To Love A Vampire]

Hammer use an outrageous amount of cleavage in the slim hope that the viewer will be so distracted they'll think that the piss-poor, second-rate Cushing/Lee imitations are the real thing as they woodenly trample through a nonsensical reading of Le Fanu's source material.

Monday, 18 February 2013


A feeble soap opera about scientists blundering around on an alien planet until they manage to get infected with CGI.

A Good Day To Die Hard

Remember when you thought that Die Hard 2 was the worst Die Hard movie? Well that's all in the past because now it's this apalling fuck up, a film that most closely resembles a turd with a little flag saying "Yippee-ki-yay" stuck clumsily in the top.
During the climactic 'action' sequence Bruce Willis finds himself in a truck dangling limply out the back of a helicopter, as the helicopter span I realised it reminded me of the deer with a stillborn fawn hanging from its rear end in Antichrist. That was the best bit.

Thursday, 14 February 2013

The Stepfather [2009 Remake]

A new version of the eighties classic with the focus of the story shifted from the original made for TV, true life drama style plotting to instead simply being a showcase for Amber Heard in a bikini.

Monday, 11 February 2013


Dull and preachy.

Saturday, 9 February 2013

Wreck-It Ralph [3D]

Was very much looking forward to a movie based on video gaming, fuelled by its rich history and constant reinvention.
Was very much disappointed by the bland bollocks i got served about 'being who you are' and 'finding your place' that mostly takes place in a shitty Mario-Kart rip off, with 20 mins of half-assed video game references slapped on the beginning so they can populate the poster.

Sunday, 3 February 2013

Easy A

The eminently watchable Emma Stone maintains a detached cynicism as she floats through all the usual High School clich├ęs.


Boring examination of child rearing whilst coping with massive mental dysfunction.

Saturday, 2 February 2013

Easy Rider

A story about a couple of men, who like to ride motorbikes and take a lot of drugs, made by a couple of men who like to ride motorbikes and take a lot of drugs.

Hellraiser: Revelations

Hideous daytime soap-opera rendition of Barker's original. The only real upside to this lukewarm bucket of toss is that it's the last one. Well, presently it's the last one, i'm sure some wanker will eventually change that.