Saturday, 28 February 2015

It Follows

Subverts the genre then transcends it. A magnificent horror movie.

Friday, 27 February 2015

Groundhog Day

I think to properly enjoy this movie you have to like the happy, clappy idiot Bill Murray transforms into by the end, whereas for some unfathomable reason I far more identify with the grouchy cunt he is at the start.
Charlotte liked it but felt that ultimately Murray's transformation didn't really matter because an old man dies, whatever the outcome, and that was sad.

Friday, 20 February 2015

Riki-Oh: The Story Of Ricky [Lik Wong]

Hyper brutal, live-action anime about a man who is sent to prison in order to punch body parts of anybody who pisses him off. Which is most people.

The Interview

The Rogen/Franco partnership at its best as a mildy stressed man and an idiot who bumble about North Korea.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

The Eight Immortals Restaurant: The Untold Story [Bat sin fan dim: Yan yuk cha siu bau]

A nasty, sordid tale that holds no real surprises and tries to compensate by presenting everything as graphically as possible, which is no compensation at all.

Shogun's Sadism [Tokugawa onna keibatsu-emaki: Ushi-zaki no kei/The Joy of Torture 2: Oxen Split Torturing]

Two tales, one an extreme Japanese version of Horrible Histories the other a parable about a fool and a whore, both a flimsy excuse for a hideous parade of detestable atrocities.

The Stuff

Barbed attack on food and drink manufacture in the US. Not all serious soap-boxing though, there's also plenty of shots of people looking genuinely concerned at encroaching shaving foam.


Either a mumbled, half-hearted attempt to make a stance against slut shaming or just an excuse to show off a very filthy fanny.

The Grapes Of Death [Les raisins de la mort]

A lady stumbles about the French countryside trying out various degrees of confusion on her face whilst extremely French zombies dither about and look forlorn at their very existence. No actual grapes.

Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Mulberry St [Contamination/Zombie Virus On Mulberry Street]

A jumble of disconnected imagery populated with characters who don't talk to each other as they meander through a story merely hinted at.

Galaxy Of Terror [Mindwarp: An Infinity Of Terror]

Things I learned from this movie; Grace Zabriskie looked old even when she was young, Robert Englund looked like a child molester even before he played Freddy Kreuger and you should never, ever step through a mystical triangle in a gargantuan alien pyramid because, unless you're THE MASTER, your shit will get well and truly fucked up.
Absolutely King.

The Beast Within

I think this was excellent. Mainly because afterward it drew about discussion that to turn into a cicada creature you would probably have to be "all the way mental". It was that kind of movie.

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Night Of The Demon [Night Of The Bigfoot]

Non-stop slaughter that would probably be more horrific if the majority of people weren't dying from shallow flesh wounds.

Something Evil

Spielberg when he was still in prototype stage. Shows promise but no flair.

I Drink Your Blood

A far more convoluted set up than you'd expect leads to demented, rabid hippies stalking about trying to hack people to pieces. Made enjoyable by an unintentionally hilarious focus on the hydrophobia aspect of rabies which means everybody was able to protect themselves by simply splashing water in the general direction of any menace.

Blood Feast

A pair of cops partake in dull dialogue about a weird staring man who appears to have a bit of a thing for fondling the contents of the local butcher's dustbins. Complete with a helpful ending precis that usefully sums up everything you just watched.

Monday, 16 February 2015

The Perfume Of The Lady In Black [Il profumo della signora in nero]

An accomplished hybrid of Repulsion and Rosemary's baby, slathered in Italian style and finished off with a superb, final jolt.

Sunday, 15 February 2015


During the course of this obscure, German animation about talking cats investigating a string of sex related murders, a cat disembowels another with a single swipe of his claws and I thought "How unrealistic!" closely followed by "THIS FILM IS FUCKING WITH MY HEAD".

Friday, 13 February 2015

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

A desperately contrived attempt to provide closure to something that even after eight previous installments would still struggle to call itself a story.

Shaun The Sheep Movie

The most delightfully absurd piece of silent cinema I've ever seen.

Friday, 6 February 2015

Jupiter Ascending [IMAX 3D]

A visually overblown turd.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

The moral of the story appears to be that it's alright to be a bit of a lad as long as you're not a total cunt.

Sunday, 1 February 2015

Big Hero 6 [3D]

A most adorable robot teams up with a bunch of sidekicks in order to battle with tired, formulaic story telling.

Inherent Vice

AKA The Big Lebowski 2.