Tuesday, 28 March 2017

Batman v Superman: Dawn Of Justice Ultimate Edition

Contains an extra half hour that reveals the Superman movie that Warners felt fit to remove to make way for a half baked Justice League prequel instead. Also a timely reminder that Zack Snyder can make any old shit look really fucking good. Except for that bit where Batman clings to the corner of a room like a cobweb desperately trying to pretend it doesn't have a dick, nobody can make that look good.


Cartoon about the difficulties of growing up alongside a blooming maniacal oppression.

Get Out

Accelerates the well meaning but ultimately deeply insulting backhanded compliments of white middle class liberalism from awkward to darkly sinister at a thrillingly breakneck pace.

Personal Shopper

This had enough of a mix of murder mystery, the supernatural and high fashion to put me in mind of Giallo movies which in turn made me aware that it appeared to be lacking in sleaze, black gloved killers and any sense of fun.
The teenager flatly stated that it was boring and that she liked it, demonstrating just how easy she is to read these days.

Thursday, 16 March 2017


A masterclass in cinematic understatement where every glance, camera shot and line of dialogue is loaded with such emotional complexity you can't help but let the film wrap itself around you and engulf your every thought. Superb.

Monday, 13 March 2017

Kong: Skull Island [IMAX 3D]

I was looking forward to watching a big monkey punch helicopters out of the sky but I didn't realise that to get there I'd have to struggle through an over abundant and over qualified cast desperately trying to make themselves relevant to a script that clearly didn't give two fucks who was saying the words. Throw in cinematography that constantly squealed 'Look I'm Apocalypse Now' despite being nothing of the sort, editing that would feel proud to be called inept and a director exhibiting a startling inability to control anything and I now realise I should have just stared at that poster for two hours instead, it would've been a lot more fun.

Thursday, 9 March 2017


Blackly comic killing spree that delights in highlighting some of the weirder interactions ladies have to put up with when pregnant. Also delights in showing gaping neck wounds, so win-win.

Logan [IMAX]

Certainly the best Wolverine movie, probably the best X-Men movie and possibly the best Marvel movie so far.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

The Love Witch

Lavish technicolour extravagance that goes on a bit.

Under The Sun

Tantalising glimpses behind North Korea's propagandist veil constantly remind you that no matter how fascinating this documentary undoubtedly is there's a much bigger, far more fascinating story that they're desperate, but completely unable, to tell.