Monday, 11 December 2017

All Through The House

Shit acting navigates a shitter script joining the dots between a series of deaths that are nothing more than a lot of jam being thrown at a lot of fairy lights whilst somebody stands close by and pretends to have acute abdominal cramping, with a fake knife sticking out of them, usually right after being scared by a cat.

Monday, 4 December 2017

Better Watch Out

Superb inversion of the usual babysitter in peril tale that strongly invokes Home Alone, but does so for a fantastic payoff. It's also one of those films that you should know as little about as possible when viewing, so if you are going to watch it then don't watch the trailer, don't look at that poster and don't read anything about it, in fact you should stop reading this now.
If you are not going to watch it, wrong - go back to the start and try again.

Thursday, 30 November 2017

Molly's Game

In which Jessica Chastain makes yet another cautionary tale of excess, likeable.

Monday, 27 November 2017

Justice League [IMAX 3D]

Left me extremely confused. I came expecting a Snyder movie and was disappointed I didn't get one. But the Whedon movie filling the gaps was actually ok. Except occasionally it was a bit shit but that didn't seem to matter because it was laughably so. And anyway the whole thing belts along at such a hectic pace in order to fit in the vast amount of information required to necessitate everything happening that it all just mashes into a massive awkward smear of stupidity, wisecracks, CGI, frantic action, slow motion, serious exposition, light bonding and a baddie with a face made of plasticine. Thoroughly enjoyed the experience. 

Wednesday, 8 November 2017

The Death Of Stalin

A phenomenal cast trading superb insults as they farcically recreate hideously bleak bulletpoints from a part of history i'm ashamed to admit i'm unfamiliar with.

The Killing Of A Sacred Deer

An old school curse rendered all the more chilling by stilted dialogue, the director's obsession with the physiology of aging and the characters eventual blank acceptance of their fate.

Tuesday, 31 October 2017


This Halloween I watched...
Actually I'm not sure what the fuck I just watched, though i'm pretty certain everybody ended up in some Turkish vision of Hell, it was extremely fucked up. I definitely enjoyed it.

Saturday, 28 October 2017

Thor: Ragnarok [IMAX 3D]

A continued demonstration that Marvel's cosmic weirdness side is definitely where it's at as the action is wisely moved far away from earth and the absurd pomposity of indestructible protagonists is neatly skewered on lashings of rich humour and bright primary colours.

Thursday, 26 October 2017

Happy Death Day

Treats its audience as less intelligent than its blunderingly stupid protagonists, refuses to explain its central conceit and ends with a reference so smug and self serving that it just made me want to piss in the mouth of everybody involved whilst screaming 'THIS IS WHAT WATCHING YOUR FILM FEELS LIKE.'

Monday, 23 October 2017

Creep 2

Couldn't possibly have the power and the impact of the first film so instead concentrates on being a truly excellent sequel that knowingly subverts the first film. Superb.

Monday, 16 October 2017

The Endless

Ironically lets itself down a little bit by actually having an end, but there's so much cool shit already happened by that point that it's easy to forgive.

Bad Genius

Always grounded, yet always dynamic in its telling of students cheating on exams and the phenomenal amount of tension it wrings out of the whole affair.

I Am Not A Witch

Not really my bag but nonetheless an intriguing look into the culture of Zambia. Unfortunately my knowledge of Zambia meant that as I was watching some of the more crazy events unfold I couldn't tell if they were based on real crazy or made up for the film crazy. Maybe that was the point.

Ghost Stories

Faithful adaptation of an already very excellent stage play.

Sunday, 15 October 2017

You Were Never Really Here

I came for the Greenwood score which did not disappoint and left having watched a subtle noir inversion centred around a man cathartically doing bad things to bad people.