Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Blood Freak


A hopeless atrocity, the very nadir of film making, yet had me crying tears of laughter, actual fucking tears. What a film.

Altered States


As well as proposing flaky existential answers to our very origins as primordial life this also features both a neanderthal punching an elephant and a goat with a shit ton of eyes. Superb.

The Tripper


Tries its very best to fall on the right side of the line that divides smart, witty, allegorical slasher movies from turgid, heavy handed, kill frenzy bollocks, but doesn't manage it.

Blue Sunshine


Dominated by comical overacting that desperately tries to mask the protagonist's total lack of motivation to actually be this intense about everything as he insistently gets involved with a murderous group of people that all took LSD ten years ago.

Tuesday, 20 February 2018

Bloody Birthday


A gleeful parade of murders at the hands of nasty children who were fucked over by a poor combination of an eclipse, the planet Saturn and a ton of horoscope bullshit.

It's Alive


Given the fanged, killer baby premise, the film adopts a surprisingly serious tone which also has the unfortunate side effect of killing the whole affair stone dead, a further irony given the title.

Kill, Baby... Kill! [Operazione paura/ Curse Of The Dead/ Don't Walk In The Park]


Bava squeezes some wonderful hallucinatory sequences out of some awful hackneyed script about a staring ghost child.

Village Of The Damned


Staring kids that still have enough chill to overide the British quaintness of sixty years ago.

Monday, 19 February 2018

Microwave Massacre


Never got to see the Microwave in use and there was no massacre. Both disappointing and utterly shit.

Blow Out


A serial killer on the loose with an unusual M.O., a protagonist desperately trying to understand something unusual that he heard, lashings of J & B, confused female characters who are little more than lambs for the slaughter. Everything that would characterise a film as a Giallo if it were Italian, but this is De Palma so it's not Giallo. It's just very stylish Hitchcock rip off.

Sunday, 18 February 2018

The Black Gestapo


Brutal fistfights, drugs, exploding cars, prostitutes, pipe bombs and a man having his balls cut off and flushed down a toilet. The best beginning to Joefest 2018. King.

Sunday, 11 February 2018

Phantom Thread


Exquisite tedium.

Saturday, 3 February 2018

Mom And Dad


Unthinkable parental wishful thinking given an edge of crass obnoxiousness by half of the team behind Crank.

Tuesday, 30 January 2018

The Shape Of Water


Masturbating cleaner steals sentient fish and fucks it.

Sunday, 21 January 2018

The Post


Manages a double whammy of hot topics with a story of how a woman stood firm in a heavily male dominated arena in order to insist the importance of a free press at times of insane governance. Important albeit dull.