Sunday, 18 August 2019

The Banana Splits Movie

The Banana Splits was a neat kids show about four goofy animals played by people in furry suits. In this fucking awful movie they are now robots, played by people in furry suits, who inexplicably gain conciousness and systematically slaughter anybody who delivers uncomfortable, awkward, stilted, cliched riddled dialogue i.e. pretty much everybody.

Thursday, 15 August 2019

Flawed Is Beautiful

Documentary about a genre of music so tiny it only consists of two bands, one of which I was in to and one I wasn't, the result being half was very interesting and half wasn't.

The Frightened Woman [Femina Ridens/ The Laughing Woman]

Enjoyable captor/captee face off slathered in bold 60s Italian style and crass 60s Italian attitudes.

Tuesday, 13 August 2019

Apocalypse Now: Final Cut [IMAX]

Tighter than Redux, looser than the Theatrical Cut, but still perfection in all its forms.

Sunday, 11 August 2019

John Wick: Chapter 2

A superior sequel that staves off the boredom of constant coldly efficient gunfights by having Wick fully self aware of his abilities and projecting gentle sympathy onto the criminal underworld before hopelessly massacring hundreds of them.

In Fabric

A really quite good three part anthology movie, only the first two parts are a half hour too long and the third part is missing.

Saturday, 10 August 2019

The Beach Bum

Existential meditation that goes no deeper than do your own shit, fuck the rest and everything will work out just fine.

Friday, 9 August 2019

The House On Sorority Row [House Of Evil]

Starts with a similar plot premise to Black Christmas released a decade earlier, and I was stunned at how they seemed to lift entire sequences verbatim from that movie until the penny dropped half way through that I have clearly never seen Black Christmas, and the movie I've been remembering as Black Christmas was this one, which now makes sense as to how I struggled to recall any actual Christmas happening.

The Haunted House Of Horror [Horror House]

Very little to recommend here other than Frankie Avalon getting stabbed in the dick.

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw [IMAX]

All the elements of the Fast & Furious movies, only pruned of all the uselss dead weight like family barbeques, street racing and Vin Diesel, leaving more room for The Rock, Statham, Massive fuck off explosions and lots of super awesome slow motion punching. With any luck they'll all be like this from now on.

Monday, 5 August 2019


Displays a virtuosic command of cinema, every frame a masterpiece.

Saturday, 3 August 2019


A prime example of how modern cinema thinks plot twists should be delivered whereby characters withold vital information until it can be dropped for full dramatic effect, changing other character's perspectives, but simply affirming something you already suspected and are confused as to why nobody wanted to talk about it earlier.

Thursday, 25 July 2019

Baba Yaga [The Devil Witch]

A witch puts a curse on a fashion photographer's camera under the misguided notion that this will make her abandon her boyfriend for some weird old lady action instead. Really just an excuse to show a lot of arty tits.

Wednesday, 24 July 2019

The Dead Don't Die

Both a love letter to Romero's original Night and a flippant dissection of modern zombie cinema all delivered absolutely deadpan at a glacial pace. Loved it.

Sunday, 21 July 2019

The Iguana With The Tongue Of Fire [La iguana de la lengua de fuego]

Ninety minutes of pure 'what the fuck?'
There's a cat in the fridge, a hilarious suicide which is meant to be in slow motion but is actually everybody just pretending it's in slow motion, Italians dubbed with Irish accents, every character being weird and suspicious all of the time and absolutely nothing makes sense. Both utterly appalling and totally amazing. Recommended.