Tuesday, 13 March 2018


Garland continues to edge towards perfection with this occasionally ponderous, often visually stunning adventure through genetics, identity and very soapy water.

Sunday, 4 March 2018

Lady Bird

A both accurately observed and wonderfully understated portrayal of what it is to be a teenager as they crash headlong into being an adult. Made me glad I'm not a teenager.

Saturday, 3 March 2018

Red Sparrow

An ill advised attempt to ressurect a long forgotten sub-genre of movies from the nineties known as 'Joe Eszterhas Movies'. Let's not do that.

Saturday, 24 February 2018

Mother's Day

In which a trio of girls, exposed to a most unfortunate level of demented brutality, exact revenge with a giant, transparent pair of inflatable tits.

The Incredible Melting Man

A spectacularly sloppy man runs about the place whilst absolutely everybody else struggles to give a fuck about what's going on, myself included.

Friday, 23 February 2018

The Evil Within

A lot of great ideas and some genuinely creepy moments that all steadfastedly refuse to gel in to a coherent whole.

The Face Of Another

A particularly serious look at humanity's confused conflation of appearance and the self.

Seoul Station [Seoulyeok]

Animated running zombies who, even in cartoon form, were effective enough of a threat that they made me painfully aware how shit everybody in the movie was at closing doors.

Thursday, 22 February 2018

Santo y Blue Demon contra los monstruous [Santo And The Blue Demon vs. The Monsters]

DIRECTOR: ... then Blue Demon and all the monsters will run in.
SANTOS: Ok, then what?
DIRECTOR: Then you go absolutley fucking loco on them. Pure loco.
SANTOS: Right. And then?
DIRECTOR: We do it again. And again. And again.
SANTOS: For 90 minutes?
DIRECTOR: No. For 70 minutes. Then we have 20 minutes of lovely cabaret.
DIRECTOR: YOU HEARD! Now pick up that chair and hit somebody with it.

House Of Madness [The Mansion Of Madness/ The System Of Dr. Tarr And Professor Feather/ Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon/ Dr. Tarr's Pit Of Horrors]

As a doctor visting an insane asylum was greeted by guards who were clearly insane, I quickly surmised that the inmates had taken over the asylum and promptly nodded off, awakening intermittently to snatches of dialogue confirming my surmise and ever growing scenes of lunacy culminating in a man threatening to throw a turtle at somebody.

El libro de piedra [The Book Of Stone]

Quaint, quiet, competent ghost story told very much in the manner of M.R. James, and very much at his plodding pace too. Wait, didn't I already watch this once today?

Hasta el Viento Tiene Miedo [Even The Wind Is Afraid]

Quaint, quiet, competent ghost story told very much in the manner of M.R. James, and very much at his plodding pace too.

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Blood Freak

A hopeless atrocity, the very nadir of film making, yet had me crying tears of laughter, actual fucking tears. What a film.

Altered States

As well as proposing flaky existential answers to our very origins as primordial life this also features both a neanderthal punching an elephant and a goat with a shit ton of eyes. Superb.

The Tripper

Tries its very best to fall on the right side of the line that divides smart, witty, allegorical slasher movies from turgid, heavy handed, kill frenzy bollocks, but doesn't manage it.