Friday, 13 April 2018

A Quiet Place

An exercise in ratcheting up muscle cramping levels of tension that succeeds magnificently, followed by two hours of the teenager suggesting better solutions to everything that happened that would make everybody in the film a lot more safe and the film a lot less exciting.

Thursday, 12 April 2018


Suffers from a level of rank stupidity that should be insulting but in the capable hands of The Rock, who has polished far worse turds, ends up being thoroughly enjoyable.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

Shin Godzilla [Shin Gojira]

Ropey monster FX shots alternated with lengthy discussions conducted by people in rooms about either what just happened in the last ropey FX shot or what is going to happen in the next one. Sometimes as a special treat, it's both.

Monday, 9 April 2018

The Seven Minutes

Meyer's serious movie with a spritely first hour setup for some edgy courtroom drama, that kinda made me wish he'd made more serious movies. Followed by a laborious hour of stilted, overacted dull as fuck courtroom drama that kinda made me glad he didn't.

Thursday, 5 April 2018

Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls

There's very few auteurs in cinema as talented and yet under-rated as Russ Meyer, and this gaudy, hyper-edited explosion of tits, drugs and outlandish insanity is his masterwork. One of my all time favourite movies, every time I watch that ending it strikes me that there really is absolutely nothing else like this out there. Utterly King.

Monday, 2 April 2018


Unhinged giallo attempt with very little killing and a twist that bravely attempts to explain why this should be, along with why the story was hopelessly incoherent and why everybody's acting veers all over the shop.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Ready Player One [IMAX 3D]

Bog standard Spielberg adventure coated in a shit ton of nostalgic referencing, all elevated by his acute cinematic knowledge. Who else could have the balls to drop The Shining in the middle of all this, and what a drop it is.

Friday, 30 March 2018


That proud Dad moment when the teenager starts inadvertently writing your reviews for you, to wit; "Is this supposed to be funny? It's not. It's shit."

John Wick

Though I was particularly taken with the central conceit that everybody is aware of the protagonist as an unkillable death dealer and fears him as such from the very first minute, it proved to be the films undoing as there was nowhere for the plot to go except toward an endless parade of coldly efficient gunfights until everybody finally dies.

Tuesday, 27 March 2018

Isle Of Dogs

Wes Anderson brings the full force of his exacting command of symmetry and droll humour to create a stop motion delight whose only real disappointment is that it had to end.

Thursday, 22 March 2018

War Dogs

Yet another deeply average, cookie cutter, 'greed is bad' cautionary tale. Yawn.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Gods Of Egypt

Some weird experiment in trying to find out how many elements of a film can be made worse than Gerard Butler's staggeringly shit acting, unbelievably they succeeded in making everything worse.
The teenager reacted with apopletic fury to it all, so at least there was some positive to be had.

Sunday, 18 March 2018

The Invitation

An accurate film adaptation of general unease that winds itself as tight as it possibly can before viciously snapping.

Saturday, 17 March 2018


An unmitigated disaster that throws up endless questions with no answers, questions like 'Who are these characters?', 'Why are they doing any of the things they are doing?', 'Is that a new character, or one I've already seen?' and 'Why is the fridge also a phone?'

Tuesday, 13 March 2018


Garland continues to edge towards perfection with this occasionally ponderous, often visually stunning adventure through genetics, identity and very soapy water.