Monday, 24 June 2019

Child's Play [2019 Remake]


Fun romp that would have been even more fun if it didn't have the trappings of a 30 year old movie randomly strewn about it.

Wednesday, 19 June 2019

Brightburn


A pub conversation turned into a movie.

Monday, 17 June 2019

Cold Moon


An over abundance of oddball supporting characters and unecessary subplots smother a mediocre tale of vengeance from beyond the grave.

Sunday, 16 June 2019

X-Men: Dark Phoenix


Somebody had the bright idea to redo the Dark Phoenix storyline from the fucking awful X-Men 3: The Last Stand. Unfortunately somebody also had the bright idea to make this one shitter than X-Men 3: The Last Stand.

Saturday, 15 June 2019

The Fifth Cord [Giornata nera per l'ariete/ Evil Fingers]


A reporter drunkenly stumbles from one corpse to another, all of which are linked to him in some way, but unfortunately he's always so smashed off his face that he never has an alibi for their murder. Then just as he's convinced he might actually be responsible, even though he clearly isn't, the real killer rocks up and they have a totally unnecessary but utterly ace fight in a factory.

Sunday, 9 June 2019

Glass


The third in a trilogy and where Shymalan chooses to take the tale next stands alongside some of his best work, however how he chooses to get there stands alongside some of his worst. Which in turn puts me in a quandary because I can’t decide if this Glass is half ace or half ass.

Thursday, 6 June 2019

Hounds Of Love


A disturbed couple kidnap a teenager for some casual atrocity whilst they deftly swerve around the usual cliches found in this kind of thing. For some reason I identified most strongly with the bit where it was pointed out to the teenager that none of this would have happened if she'd just listened to her parents.

Wednesday, 5 June 2019

Hellbound: Hellraiser II


A bold attempt to directly continue Barker's original tale that starts well enough but ironically loses its way when all the characters start stumbling about in the labyrinths of Hell.

Sunday, 2 June 2019

Godzilla: King Of The Monsters


Reminded me of a time I did a shit so big that the top two inches protruded proudly from the water.

Tom Holland's Twisted Tales


Not actually an anthology or a film for that matter. This is a series of nine web episodes full of half baked ideas, smothered in astonishingly poor digital effects and apalling attempts at acting, with each one introduced by Tom Holland in the manner of an old man telling his care home nurse that he's just shit himself.

Tuesday, 28 May 2019

Les diabolique [The Devils]


A cornerstone of horror cinema, so many threads sprang from this that are still being yanked on today.
Most revolutionary was the idea of deploying a twist ending that forces the viewer to re-evaluate everything they've watched, something which is now ubiquitous, promptly followed by a plea from the director to not spoil it for others, something which is also now ubiquitous.

Demonic Toys


An attempt to follow the Puppet Master series with a whole new range of glove puppets terrorising bad actors. An early David S. Goyer script means this is better than all the Puppet Masters but it's still a Charles Band production, so it's still toe curlingly wank.

Monday, 27 May 2019

Code Unknown [Code inconnu: Récit incomplet de divers voyages]


People who are seen as incredibly seperate through divisions such as class, race or affluence are shown to be united by the fact that none of them has any idea what the fuck is going on in their life.

Bad Dreams


A Nightmare On Elm St Part 3: The Dream Warriors - Part 2; The Second Support Group.

The Demons [Les démons]


Isn't about Demons, is about witches who are actually nuns that everybody wants to have sex with as soon as they see them. Except eventually the nuns get fed up with people always wanting to have sex with them, mainly due to the inevitable witch torture that usually follows the sex, and reveal they are actually witches who have made a pact with Satan so they can kiss people and turn them into plastic skeletons. Still doesn't make them Demons though.