Saturday, 30 November 2019

The Killer Reserved Nine Seats [L'assassino ha riservato nove poltrone]


A haunted theatre gathers a group of friends together who dither between being barely tolerant of each other and furiously shagging each other and then make them act out a giallo plot to satisfy a 100 year old curse.

Thursday, 28 November 2019

Knives Out


A superbly written whodunnit with all manner of excellent performances, though the real star is the editing that shuffles everything along at a lively pace whilst slowly unveiling delicious plot details.

Saturday, 16 November 2019

The Irishman


People talking about this are talking about the wrong things and gently ignoring the fact that this is one of the best films from one of our greatest living directors. A masterpiece.

Friday, 15 November 2019

Doctor Sleep


By no means a perfect movie but the fact it stands as a working sequel to Kubrick’s movie, an improvement on King’s ropey novel and an adaptation of the bits Kubrick left out of King’s original novel, all without being a huge fucking mess, is kind of impressive. Even more impressive, given the pair of strong creative visions he’s representing on the screen, is that the vision that stands out most is Flanagan’s own.

Saturday, 9 November 2019

Nightmare Beach [Welcome To Spring Break]


An anonymous maniac on a custom built motorbike that electrocutes anybody who makes contact with it, suggesting he might be the recently executed leader of a local biker gang, gets in the way of a traditional American spring break represented here by a continuous stream of people whooping and tits.

Sunday, 3 November 2019

Terminator: Dark Fate


Starts with intense pursuit that thrillingly echoes the original, then Linda Hamilton appears and the film stumbles over its story for a bit, then Arnie appears and the whole thing shits the bed.

Saturday, 26 October 2019

Booksmart


That comedy film you’ve seen plenty of times already about two friends who go on an episodic adventure that will culminate in them falling out and then learning something new. This is one of the better versions of that film.

Hellboy [2019]


Yeah, it’s all over the shop and some of the special effects make your brain wince but all of that would appear to be a means to an end. That end being to cram as much fucking awesome as possible into a meagre two hours, and there’s a lot of it in here.

Friday, 25 October 2019

Delirium [Le foto di Gioia]


Only when watching a Giallo would you get a plot about a lady concerned that her past as a hooker will damage her hard won reputation as a publisher of pornography. And only when watching a Giallo would you get something as ridiculous as a killer’s POV represented by a constantly strobing red light and people in random rubber masks. And only when watching a Giallo would you watch something this shit and still find yourself having a great time.

Sunday, 20 October 2019

Gemini Man


The cinematic equivalent of a disinterested shrug. Could have been saved simply by having the two Will Smith’s simultaneously shout ‘oh hell no’ and then quizzically stare at each other, but no. Never mind.

Saturday, 19 October 2019

Wounds


Confused bollocks that manages to forget what story it’s telling roughly every 15 minutes and starts a new one instead.

Sunday, 13 October 2019

The Day Shall Come


Not Morris’ finest hour, mainly because the lunacy of reality now eclipses the craziest shit that he’s able to dream up.

Burial Ground [Le notti del terrore/ Nights Of Terror]


Fucking awful Italian zombie shit, the scariest bit being when a 13 year old boy, played by a man with dwarfism who’s clearly in his mid twenties, tries to shag his mum.

Saturday, 12 October 2019

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie


An unnecessary but thoroughly enjoyable coda.

Sunday, 6 October 2019

The Lighthouse


If Bergman had made Lovecraft stories. Fucking awesome.