Sunday, 26 April 2015

Avengers: Age Of Ultron [IMAX 3D]

Marvel sequel meaning a larger cast have to find reasons to be in the story whilst they try to stop an even bigger thing from falling out of the sky, all freckled with moments so awesome they defy description.
I now fully expect the third one to have a cast of a thousand superheroes appearing in 10 second plot points as they try to stop a planet landing on the planet whilst intermittent shards of light melt my eyeballs.

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Seventh Moon

Amy Smart gets driven into the Chinese wilderness whereupon supernatural forces reduce her dialogue down to 'What was that?', 'I love you' and 'Motherfucker'.

Saturday, 4 April 2015

Furious 7

In which the nonsense continues to escalate at a bewildering rate as a bunch of multi-millionaires play ever more insane variants of 'What's The Silliest Thing We Can Do With A Car?'
Unfortunately for a racing based series the director clearly relishes filming fistfights far more than car chases which makes this the perfect installment to introduce Jason Statham, a man I would quite happily watch punch his way through an old people's home and not feel bad about it.
Diesel's level of inflation must surely now be seriously testing his valves, The Rock this time round looks like a bizarre conglomeration of Easter eggs and most unbelievably of all Paul Walker's departure is handled sensitively.
All of which is overshadowed by Charlotte's brilliant description of Michelle Rodriguez as 'That lady who always looks like she's looking at something she doesn't like, even when she's happy'.

Friday, 3 April 2015

We Are What We Are [2013 Remake]

The brash, hysterical chaos of the original is stripped away in favour of an incessant downbeat tone and an ending that appears to suggest it's not the eating of human flesh that's the real issue here, more how it's cooked and presented.