Monday, 28 October 2013

Jackass Presents Bad Grandpa

Not the best thing that ever tumbled out of the Jackass vaults, but it did remind me how good it feels to laugh at Johnny Knoxville willingly subjecting himself to unnecessary pain and humiliation.

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Black Water

Standard tale of randoms in peril. This time the peril is provided by crocodiles in Mangrove swamps which translates to lots of shots of muddy water juxtaposed with shots of people staring at muddy water whilst displaying a range of facial expressions varying from mild concern through to slight agitation.

Saturday, 19 October 2013

Diary Of A Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules

A bit like an extended episode of a harmless sitcom focussing on the pecking order of various stereotypes, this particular one is about older brothers.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 [3D]

The stylised silliness that occasionally charmed in the first one begins to grate very quickly and is never enough to hide what's wrong with the film, which is fucking everything.
Charlotte liked the film because she liked the talking food, despite the fact that there isn't any talking food in the film.

Friday, 18 October 2013

J.S.A.: Joint Security Area [Gongdong gyeongbi guyeok JSA]

A brilliant tale of forbidden friendship that takes place across the Korean DMZ, told through an unnecessary flashback structure.

Sunday, 13 October 2013

The Zero Theorem

The futility of attempting to achieve complete understanding embedded perfectly in another fabulously garish Gilliam retro-future.

Under The Skin

Faber's novel is boiled down to a high concept sentence which Glazer then tries to obfuscate with ponderous but gorgeous imagery in order to look clever. A terrible shame.

The Double

A successfully weird amalgam of Brazil, Eraserhead, Fight Club and Single White Female.

Saturday, 12 October 2013

All Cheerleaders Die

Schoolboy wank fantasy that has obvious charms but coming from a post-Woman McKee feels a touch disingenuous.

Jodorowsky's Dune

In which Jodorowsky comes across as a charismatic tornado of insanity dragging all around him into its vortex. I'm almost glad his vision was thwarted because otherwise I'd never have been able to listen to him telling me all about the craziness.

The Congress

A brain scrambling, visual orgasm wrapped in layers of profundity.

All Is Lost

A singularly unique survival/disaster movie in that every shred of the eyeball rolling, forehead slapping melodrama that normally plagues the genre has been stripped away leaving an intelligent protagonist taking intelligent action in order to engage an intelligent audience.
Also made me need a wee quite a lot.

Thursday, 10 October 2013

The Gate

A fully formed gem that popped out of the wellspring of eighties horror aimed at teens. Includes some of the best forced perspective ever.

Monday, 7 October 2013


A whirlwind of hard drugs and wanking that ably catches the hedonistic spirit of Irvine Welsh at his most nauseous. This is a compliment.


Creates an uncomfortable rift between the sheer implausibility of the characters actions and the mind blowing fact that every event portrayed in the film actually happened.

Friday, 4 October 2013

Mirror Mirror

A witty reordering of the tropes found in every telling of Snow White all wrapped up in Tarsem's trademark visual splendour.