Sunday, 25 March 2012

21 Jump Street

Modern film makers need to learn that announcing yourself as a shit cliche at every opportunity does not then give you licence to get away with it, rather it just draws the viewer's attention to the staggering amount of shit cliches you're casually spunking onto the screen.

The Exterminating Angel [El ángel exterminador]

A metaphysical disaster movie. Loved it, obviously.

Sunday, 18 March 2012

The Cellar Door

A cheap nasty that's far more successful at being cheap than it is at being nasty.

Juan Of The Dead [Juan de los Muertos]

Another prime example of Zombies being expertly abused in order to paint a lovingly accurate (and very funny) sociopolitical picture of the film-makers home country. In this case Cuba.

Wrinkles [Arrugas]

I didn't expect this Spanish hand-drawn animation about Alzheimer's disease to be quite as touching as it was, and all without dipping so much as a wrinkled toe into cloying sentimentality.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012


Some random film makers luck out on a unique opportunity for a superb digital portrait of humanity.

Sunday, 11 March 2012

Frontier(s) [Frontière(s)]

A savagely brutal paean to Wes Craven's early ouput, only in French.
Best exploding head I've seen in a while too.

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Sleeping Beauty

Godard levels of pretension spiced with art-house smut.

Clive Barker's The Plague

A Barker story only in that his name's been tacked onto the front of the title.

Sunday, 4 March 2012

H.P. Lovecraft's From Beyond

I could be wrong but I'm fairly certain that director Stuart Gordon's three favourite things are H.P. Lovecraft stories, early Cronenberg movies and breasts. In that order.

Zombie Women Of Satan

The best Geordie, burlesque, twisted family/zombie, horror-comedy I've ever seen.
Sorry, that should read 'the only', not 'the best'.
I suppose this makes it the best on a technicality, but by the same technicality the shittest if anybody ever thinks it a good idea to make another one.

Saturday, 3 March 2012

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life

Jolie actually manages to succeed in a decent portrayal of Croft. Unluckily for her though, she does it in one of the worst films ever made as evidenced by Charlotte stating it as 'OK', 'Not As Good As The First One' and 'Just A Load Of Shooting With No Puzzles'.

Gnomeo & Juliet

The true star of this film is the foley guy who recorded all the melodious porcelain clinks & clonks, that give both an incredible weight and texture to the CGI gnomes and also provide the most entertaining aspect of the movie.