Monday, 28 February 2011

Drive Angry [3D]

I felt like I was simultaneously watching two films of differing quality as the director struggled to decide what story he was telling; the pursuit of Cage (great trash) or Cage's pursuit (trashy shit).

Sunday, 27 February 2011

Double Agent 73

Even the shittest lump of tossed off trash will usually have a moment that surprises as you witness something you've never seen on screen before. In this it's a woman viciously beating a man about the head with her left tit which, due to an implanted micro camera, takes a photo every time it makes contact with the chaps face.

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Night Of The Demons [2009 Remake]

Flagrantly steals from The Evil Dead and then tries to cover its tracks with an astronomical level of camp silliness that unexpectedly pushes the whole farrago into the realms of unabashed enjoyment.

The Incredibles

Takes a while to kick off (Charlotte when Mr Incredible gets kidnapped: "Great, the film's only just started and we've been watching for ages!") but when it kicks off, it goes stratospheric (Charlotte when the kid at the end shouts 'that's totally wicked': "I'm with him").

Thursday, 24 February 2011

El Topo

Heavy on bloodshed, mysticism, nudity and dwarves.
Light on sense, coherence, and plotting.

Tuesday, 22 February 2011


Six strangers wake up in a locked room and begin to search for a clever ending to the movie.
Unfortunately they make do with a hastily tacked on allegory which has all the subtlety of the director standing behind you as you watch and shouting 'AHA!' at the right moment.

Monday, 21 February 2011

9 Songs

Sex, drugs and rock n roll bled dry of all excitement by the cold glare of passive observation.

Death Sentence

Death Wish gets reinterpreted as one of those made for TV true life movies with the end result containing some of the most laugh out loud dumb moments I've seen in a while. Dire.


The alien though undoubtedly the best thing about the film muddles the Pegg/Frost dynamic, whilst the director tries to ape the cinema of Kevin Smith.

Friday, 18 February 2011


An incredibly heartfelt tale of a cerebral palsy afflicted serial killer that allows Crispin Glover to address his own twin priorities of;
1) Asking challenging and discomforting questions on how cinema chooses to portray those who are differently abled, and
2) Being really fucking weird.

Monday, 14 February 2011

Higanjima: Escape From Vampire Island

A foolish jumble of high school drama, bad gore and pantomime.

True Grit

The light-hearted adventures of a cowboy with Aspergers Syndrome, a hyper intelligent youngster and Matt Damon never dip below the bar that the Coens have already set so high for themselves.

Saturday, 12 February 2011

Yogi Bear [3D]

Charlotte came bursting out of this pitch perfect modern rendition of a classic and practically recited it verbatim. So I think it went down well.
I was just pleased that all the cod moralising that infects so much of childrens cinema was kept to a minimum allowing far more space for unashamed stupidity.

Friday, 11 February 2011

Herbie: Fully Loaded

Actually not bad for what is essentially a series of clumsy montages.


An astonishing cavalcade of almost unwatchable brutality that dizzyingly twists through a myriad of modern horror genre conventions arriving neatly at a quite jaw dropping conclusion.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011


Brilliantly savage retelling of Disney's Song Of The South that skillfully navigates itself along the right side of a fine line that separates the attacking of racial stereotypes and the perpetuating of them, whilst also lashing out at phoney religion, corrupt police and the mafia.
A hip hop sample treasure trove.

Tuesday, 8 February 2011

Stranger Than Fiction

Will Ferrell shows there is a point to his career in this Kaufman shaded interrogation of writing that starts off clever-clever and ends wishy-washy.

Monday, 7 February 2011

The Fighter

The pertinent question in my mind was 'Do we need another boxing movie?'
The answer is yes! One that cleverly takes the genre stalwart 'emotional difficulties to be overcome' and externalises it as a second character allowing the opportunity for multiple victories and much uncontrollable joyous fist clenching for the viewer.
A more difficult question to answer is 'Are we going to need another boxing movie after this one?'

Sunday, 6 February 2011

Red Mist [Freakdog]

Silliness abounds in this tale of a coma patient on a murderous rampage, although by far the most galling aspect is the majority British cast faking American accents and the Northern Irish locations doubling for the US in one of the worst cases yet of our film industry slurping on the cock of Hollywood.

Saturday, 5 February 2011


A whingy girl, a semi jock and a cynical, geeky stoner get stuck on a chair lift and create unbearable moments of discomfort alongside copious quantities of tedious dialogue required to pad out their situation for the film's duration.

Wednesday, 2 February 2011

The Mechanic

Jason Statham gives his only facial expression another outing.

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

The International

Turgid crap in which the plot builds up via stern clandestine conversations to an explosion of complete futility, neatly echoed by my utterly futile attempts to enjoy the film.