Wednesday, 29 June 2011

The Lovely Bones

Wildly shifts tone throughout, grinding its gears every time.

Sunday, 26 June 2011

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

A classic landmark in the niche genre of Really Bad Things Happening To Really Foolish People.

30 Days Of Night: Dark Days

Composed of 95% shoddy acting with everybody trading lines of bloated nonsense in an unecessary menacing drawl in order to drag you through a bafflingly retarded plot and 5% cool vampire deaths. 

Sunday, 19 June 2011

The Isle [Seom]

Fish hooks, houseboats and whores.
Funnier than I was expecting.

Saturday, 18 June 2011

Spy Kids

A maniacal blur of runaway invention typical of Rodriguez, garlanded with rubbery CGI struggling to keep up with such ambition and punctuated throughout by Charlotte saying 'cool' roughly every four minutes.

Friday, 17 June 2011


Hopeless mix of Terminator and Demon Knight with a script that sounds as though somebody drank a gallon of ink and then liberally pissed it across the page.

Sunday, 12 June 2011

30 Days Of Night

Lovely cinematography sets the mood for a slow burning seige film full of brooding menace yet fundamentally flawed by crap vampires that made me giggle every time they showed their stupid little squawking faces.

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Black Death

Total dropped bollock of a movie in which the only fleeting good moments were those that reminded me of Monty Python's Holy Grail, although I severely doubt this was the intention.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Sunday, 5 June 2011

Kung Fu Panda 2 [3D]

More of the same so loved it, obviously.
Roll on number 3.

Saturday, 4 June 2011

The Amityville Horror [2005 Remake]

The last time I saw anything comparable to this was the last time I glanced in the bowl after a particularly strenuous sphincter flex out.