Tuesday, 28 May 2019

Les diabolique [The Devils]

A cornerstone of horror cinema, so many threads sprang from this that are still being yanked on today.
Most revolutionary was the idea of deploying a twist ending that forces the viewer to re-evaluate everything they've watched, something which is now ubiquitous, promptly followed by a plea from the director to not spoil it for others, something which is also now ubiquitous.

Demonic Toys

An attempt to follow the Puppet Master series with a whole new range of glove puppets terrorising bad actors. An early David S. Goyer script means this is better than all the Puppet Masters but it's still a Charles Band production, so it's still toe curlingly wank.

Monday, 27 May 2019

Code Unknown [Code inconnu: Récit incomplet de divers voyages]

People who are seen as incredibly seperate through divisions such as class, race or affluence are shown to be united by the fact that none of them has any idea what the fuck is going on in their life.

Bad Dreams

A Nightmare On Elm St Part 3: The Dream Warriors - Part 2; The Second Support Group.

The Demons [Les démons]

Isn't about Demons, is about witches who are actually nuns that everybody wants to have sex with as soon as they see them. Except eventually the nuns get fed up with people always wanting to have sex with them, mainly due to the inevitable witch torture that usually follows the sex, and reveal they are actually witches who have made a pact with Satan so they can kiss people and turn them into plastic skeletons. Still doesn't make them Demons though.

Sunday, 26 May 2019

Opera [Terror At The Opera]

Some of Argento's films are made by 'genius Argento', he's the guy who brings the wild fits of visual invention, the incredible displays of sadistic violence and the weird unreal dream like qualities draped nonchalantly across absolutely everything. Some of his films are made by 'shit Argento', the guy responsible for all the fucking excruciating dialogue, the laughably nonsensical plotting, the grating self reference and the total and undeniable lack of any form of  control over the entire film making process.
Most unusually, this one is made by both of them at the same time.

Saturday, 18 May 2019

Contamination [Alien Contamination/ Contamination - Alien arriva sulla Terra]

The director of Starcrash proves it was no one off of feacal brilliance with yet another movie that's so naively shit it's amazing. This time it's a rip off of Alien with the space crew replaced by a bickering cop and a wooden colonel, the gargantuan spaceship interiors replaced by a coffee factory and the alien removed entirely so now when little wobbly green alien eggs open people simply explode immediately. So many highlights, but my favourite is a scientist who makes a mouse explode in a bell jar to demonstrate the seriousness of the alien threat and the cop amiably comments "I saw that happen to humans".
Utterly King.

Tuesday, 14 May 2019

Tales From The Crypt: Demon Knight

This was a firm favourite when I was a teenager, so even now I'm able to see that it's nowhere near as clever as I thought, the effects are shoddy as fuck and the acting persistently swerves between hokey and wooden, I still find it difficult to dislike because it's ace.

Sunday, 12 May 2019

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night

I'm always ready to praise something for being different, and an Iranian Vampire Western is certainly different even if it is just a limp version of Let The Right One In on a skateboard.

Friday, 10 May 2019

Police Story 2 [Ging chaat goo si juk jaap]

Whereas in the original the stuntwork was both fraught with danger and visually impressive, this time around there's less concern with being visually impressive and instead a lot more on causing Jackie Chan as much pain as is legally possible on a film set.

Monday, 6 May 2019

The Vault Of Horror

Five excellent Tales From The Crypt adaptations that showcase a far more macabre, bloodthirsty side to Amicus and a wrap around story written by somebody that clearly could not give a fuck about what was going on.

A Cat In The Brain [Un gatto nel cervello/ Nightmare Concert]

In which Fulci stars as a version of himself plagued by visions of brutal sadistic violence, sordid sleazy sex and overblown nazi orgies all brought on by the demented insanity he must stage and film for his own movies. This could have been a complex meta commentary on Horror and its impact on the creator, but is actually just an excuse to recycle all the nastiest bits from a series of cheap horror movies made by other directors and released under the banner 'Lucio Fulci Presents' in the late eighties, the net result being I now want to watch all of them.