Monday, 15 August 2016

The Shallows

A bonanza of unecessary, gratuitous slow motion that if played back at normal speed would give you a film roughly twenty minutes long that could be neatly summed up in four sentences; Blake Lively goes surfing. Blake Lively meets a shark. Blake Lively sits on a rock whilst the scriptwriter throws darts at a list of random plot points he hopes will liven up proceedings. Blake Lively defeats shark in a manner which can only be described as obscenely stupid.


  1. I'm never gonna watch this. How does she kill the shark?

  2. There's no way she's worth the effort for a shark. Does it choke to death on bony carcass?