In The Loop

Normally a film where everyone acts like a dick isn't much fun. However in this one all the characters act like a dick but have free reign to tell each other just how much of a dick everyone else is, all whilst fannying around over starting a war.
Absolutely superb.

Cat O' Nine Tails [Il gatto a nove code]

Argento plays safe and dull with his second film, coming off like an extended episode of 'Murder She Wrote' with Jessica Fletcher played by both a handsome, wooden reporter and a blind man with a pet child.

Immortals

Business as usual with Tarsem i.e. dull, wonky story-telling propping up a glorious visual feast that tends to loosen the mouth hinge, in particular during the scant moments when the Gods actually rock up and do a bit of damage.

The Dictator

Sacha Baron Cohen fails to play to his strengths, instead relying on rape gags and casual racism, in this dribbled out watery shit that struggles for ninety minutes to do what Trey Parker & Matt Stone did so perfectly well in two.

Street Trash

Despite the consistent reappearance of characters as well as a recurring melting tramp motif I was unable to detect any form of story whatsoever.

Herbie Goes Bananas

A very tired entry into the series features Herbie befriending a young pickpocket, a move that enraged Charlotte's sense of injustice which in turn led her to bitterly describe the film as 'a bit rubbish'. I had to agree.

The Raid [Serbuan maut]

Do you remember what it felt like the first time you watched Hard Boiled/The Killer?
No need to rely on memories any longer, just go see this. It will almost certainly be the best action film you've ever seen.

Cool Air

Good effort from this amateur short Lovecraft adaptation that primarily consists of an old man sitting in a chair telling a story whilst he slowly shifts in and out of focus.

Dark Shadows

Burton fail.

Timecrimes [Los cronocrímenes]

Casually brilliant yarn that wittily demonstrates the complexities inherent in time travel.

The Thing [2011]

Part homage, part remake, part prequel, part pointless, part silly, part cool.

X-Cross [XX (ekusu kurosu): makyô densetsu]

Crazed visual diarrhoea about two girls having a stilted phone conversation with each other whilst one is chased by a lady with a giant pair of scissors and the other is fending off the unwanted attentions of an obsessed cult who are quite keen on cutting her legs off with an axe.

Safe

These days it's quite the rarity to find a genuine piece of action cinema rather than the CGI cartoons passed off as such, almost as though John Woo and Luc Besson had a meeting in the nineties and planned this whole thing out.
Even more of a rarity is finding such an action film displaying genuine wit, invention and complexity in both its photography and plotting.
Most stunning of all though is the decision to make Statham speak with an American accent, what fucking idiot thought that through? They may as well have insisted he gargle marbles for the entire film, his dialogue would've been just as clear.

The Stone Tape

A thoroughly British teleplay from the seventies demonstrating how a scientific approach to investigating a haunting may possibly lead to an aeons old evil revealing itself, the knowledge of which is fatally mind shattering. King.

Straw Dogs [2011 Remake]

A skeleton and a small Cyclops perform in a clumsy, pantomime rendition of the Peckinpah classic made by somebody who felt the need to add in a bit where the Cyclops inserts chess pieces into the skeleton's swimsuit area.

The Last King Of Scotland

In this story based on true events nothing McAvoy's character does rings true.
After the film I discovered this is because his character is fictional and the only thing based on true events is Whitaker's superb performance thus rendering the film nothing more than a ropey thriller acting as a platform for some serious scenery chewing.