Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers [Nightmare Vacation 2]

Silly slasher that baffled me because I couldn’t tell the adult camp counsellors from the identically dressed and similarly aged campers.

Candy Land

This is a really good character study of truck stop sex workers that descends into maniacal stabbings, however allowing it to descend into maniacal stabbings seemed a shame because it was under-playing some serious film making talent that could have been used to make a far stronger movie. And saying that makes me feel old, since when did I prefer character study to maniacal stabbing? Shake my damn head at myself.

Dark Glasses [Occhiali Neri]

This isn’t really a modern Giallo at all, it’s really just Giallo by association because it’s an Argento movie with a bunch of killings in it and that’s good enough for people who fondly remember him setting the Giallo template half a century ago. Of course none of this matters, what matters is has Argento managed to make a good film (because he last managed that but a quarter of a century ago) and… yes, he has.

Lola

Found footage movies are usually set in an era where recording devices are ubiquitous in order to facilitate excuses for the film makers shot choice, so it’s a very brave move to set one in the 1940s and very impressive that this is as successful as it is.

She Came From The Woods

It would have been preferable for everybody if She had just stayed in the woods then none of us would have had to sit through this asinine slab of wank.

Something In The Dirt

Another superb incursion into a world set up by Moorhead & Benson back in Resolution. They can revisit this crazy shit as much as they want, I can’t envisage ever tiring of it.

Mad God

If you’ve ever asked yourself what a feature length Tool music video would be like, well here’s your answer. And if you were expecting the answer to be anything other than ‘a really long Tool music video’ then you’re gonna be disappointed, something I absolutely was not. 

Vlees [Meat]

It was really arty and I didn’t understand it in the slightest.

The Spine Of Night

Crude 2D animation that tells a story of a magic flower and people being brutally hacked to pieces in sword fights but does so across a series of separate smaller stories, each one about a magic flower and people being brutally hacked to pieces in sword fights, which are all drawn together by a linking story that’s just characters saying ‘that was the last bit, here’s the next bit’.

Death Wish [2018 Remake]

Look, I’m not saying this is a good movie because it’s not, it’s distinctly average. What I am saying is that it’s far, far better than I expected a late period Bruce Willis adaptation of a Michael Winner movie directed by Eli Roth to realistically be, because I expected it to be complete shit.

Bullet Train

Yo, the 90s called, they want their movie back. Wait, no, they were just kidding they’re actually happy to be rid of it, you can keep it. Now the 90s are laughing at your pathetic attempt to present their movie to modern audiences. Cackling in fact. And whooping for breath. I think one of the 90s just passed out.

From Beyond The Grave

The last of Amicus' quintessentially british portmanteau horrors. One of the best with David Warner doing Hellraiser in miniature, Donald Pleasance and his daughter being weird as fuck, a no nonsense British Exorcist and the cleverest twist Amicus ever managed. And yet despite all of this greatness it’s all dwarfed by Peter Cushing’s central performance as a sinister antiques dealer. King.

Deadlier Than The Male

A fake Bond movie that is based on a character that inspired Fleming’s Bond novels and considerably more fun than most real Bond movies.