Journey 2: The Mysterious Island

The Rock and three people who are not The Rock go to an island where the only real mystery is whether anybody actually read the script before they willingly signed up to be part of such utter shit. In a rare moment of harmony the teenager pointed out that if not even The Rock could save a movie then it may well be the worst movie ever.

The Karate Kid [2010 Remake]

Trapped in a rundown hotel room with a fuzzy tv loaded with the most basic of digital channels, I found myself sitting stoney faced through this unecessary remake of throwaway eighties fluff. On the upside if I hadn't I would never have seen that poster with its deeply unfortunate placement of Jackie Chan's face.

Dunkirk [IMAX]

An orchestra of evocative WW2 imagery conducted by Nolan's typically tricksy grasp of time. The teenager gave it a positive monosyllable.

Hidden Figures

Great to see mathematics not only getting people safely back and forth from space but also giving both sexism and racism a good kicking. Disappointing to see mathematics reduced to muttering to yourself as you write lists of numbers and operations before carefully drawing a circle around the last thing you write.

Cannibal Holocaust [Ruggero Deodato's New Edit]

Not really a new edit at all, just some MS Paint fake film scratches layered over the more lingering shots of animal cruelty which does absolutely nothing to diminish the level of atrocity on offer.

War For The Planet Of The Apes

A satisfying climax, though Dawn had more war. But that's ok because this one's got more dawn.

It Comes At Night

Extinction level event horror stripped of the usual overt threat leaving grim, slowburn existential menace in its place. Superb.

Spider-Man: Homecoming [IMAX 3D]

Is not the best Spider-Man movie but is the best movie Spider-Man.