The Stendhal Syndrome [La sindrome di Stendhal]

The inability to control the tone of a movie can be useful when making flashy, over-stylised Giallo, not so much if you're trying to create a thoughtful examination of the emotional fallout experienced by a double rape victim. Ignorant and unnecessarily cruel.

The Ward

 

Carpenter finally brings some form after a long stretch in the desert, with this predictable but enjoyable yarn about stylish girls looking frightened in a hospital.

Fast & Furious 6

 

Doesn't quite scale the lunatic heights of Fast 5, though does make it clear that there will be a seventh. There has to be because Diesel and The Rock still haven't had sex with each other yet, an act that from the look of them would presumably sound like somebody trying to polish a leather sofa with a leather sofa.

The French Connection

 

Shouting and pursuit.

 

The Big Wedding

 

Went in grimacing, expecting a painfully hideous schmaltz coated farce.

Realised this film is not what I was expecting when De Niro calls Diane Keaton a cunt.

Came out smiling.

In Time

 

Proffers an intriguing premise of time as currency which begins as an existential dialogue on agelessness & immortality before swiftly transforming into a study of the ramifications of redistribution of wealth. Well, it would like to think so, ultimately though it just ends up as some half-arsed Bonnie & Clyde shit.

Epic [3D]

 

Good guys, bad guys and Dad issues.

 

The Spiderwick Chronicles

The tables turn with some force as I enjoyed a frothy blend of Goonies, Critters and Dead Ringers whilst Charlotte vociferously complained about how the source material had been clumsily maimed, and I quote "This is stupid, everything's happening too fast and all the best stuff is missing".

House At The End Of The Street

 

The skeleton of a good story is clearly visible amongst this disaster and Jennifer Lawrence tries her very best, which manages to push the whole affair up a notch from 'Irredeemable Shit' to 'Shit'.

Star Trek Into Darkness [3D]

 

A series of heartfelt speeches delivered by people dressed in Star Trek costumes alternated with a series of increasingly loud explosions.

 

Hidden [Caché]

 

Meticulously precise ambiguity. Phenomenal.

 

13: Game Of Death [13 game sayawng/ 13 Beloved]

 

Pitch black humour, extreme degradation, crazed violence, mass decapitation and a botched ending.

King.

 

The Place Beyond The Pines

Three interconnected stories that grow progressively more formless and boring.

The Grey

A group of people, stranded in the middle of nowhere with no means of communication, are slowly picked off one by one by a deadly, unstoppable killer using various means of dispatch.

Only the killer is their hostile environment and in between deaths they ponder on the significance of life and survival so it's existential, see?

Basket Case 2

 

Considerably ups the number of freaks, though this has the unfortunate knock on effect of considerably upping the amount of unrealistic prosthetic heads you have to put up with.

Airplane!

 

When I watched this as a youngster I thrilled at the fact that every joke was immediately followed by another in a non-stop litany of hilarity.

Now as an adult I find every joke is immediately followed by the child reporting on whether she got the joke or not and then rating how funny it was. The film felt much longer this time round.

 

Lockout

 

A poor Jason Statham movie with the added confusion of Jason Statham looking a lot like Guy Pearce. And sounding a lot like Guy Pearce. And actually being Guy Pearce.

 

The Look Of Love

 

Alan Partridge plays a forlorn porn baron in a film that never really rises to the occasion.

Oh look, I did a funny.