The Happening

Absolute toss.

Donkey Punch

A group of eminently unlikeable people act unlikeable to each other as everybody dies. There is a twinge of satisfaction every time a bad thing happens to someone, but I can't decide whether that was the film maker's intention or just because everyone in the film is a massive prick.

The Hide

2 Men talking their way uncomfortably to a drearily obvious twist and conclusion. Dull.

The Dark Knight [IMAX]

Just like 'The Dark Knight' only bigger.
Does IMAX make this better?
No. It makes it bigger, read carefully.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

One of those films that you watch and have to keep reminding yourself
"It's because this is the one that did it first".

Riddled with Cliche.

Bolt [3D]

Would I have watched this film if it wasn't 3D?

No.

Does the 3D make it better?

Probably, yeah.

The Grudge 2

3 seperate stories, linked by a plot that is nothing more than an insult, allows for a vast array of characters in a wide variety of different locations all of which offer ample opportunity to hide a scary staring lady somewhere. The end result is not unlike a japanese horror film equivalent of the Where's Wally books.

The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button

Solid. David Fincher is a solid filmmaker. Unfortunately he has been saddled with remaking Forrest Gump, and the finished product, though a solidly constructed film, has the depth of a puddle.
Too much in it = too much glossed over in an attempt to chronicle a timespan of 80 years under the misguided notion that this will automatically make it 'epic'.
Like Gump, not total cack, but when compared with a film such as 'There Will Be Blood' it comes off slight and insipid.
Good special effects though.

One Missed Call [2008 Remake]

Completely retarded bollocks. Reaches a cinematic nadir when you get to the evil CGI baby menacingly waving a mobile phone. Fucking shit.

Sukiyaki Western Django

You know you're watching a Miike film when you realise that after 40 minutes you haven't understood it in the slightest, and yet despite this, you are still unequivocably enjoying every moment. Even Fat Tarantino. Really !

Crows Zero [Kurôzu zero]

A film about rival gangs at a high school. This is a bit like watching that corridor fight from Oldboy for 2 hours, interspersed with random screwball comedy moments and a subplot about a brain aneurysm. It should be a little bit shit, but fortunately it was made by Takashi Miike and so it's fucking brilliant.

All The Boys Love Mandy Lane

A film whose oh so clever twist is to reveal that you have been watching the shitty carcass of a much better film that they didn't make. Clever.

Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist

A diverting effort. Teenage rom com whimsy, that's very nice and all, but just makes you feel old and then goes on to accentuate grey reality once you leave the cinema.