Sympathy For The Devil

Twists the wrong way.

The Fourth Victim [La última señora Anderson]

A Spanish giallo that is preposterously convoluted with its best red herring in the plainest of sight, making me quietly impressed.

Robot Jox

A plucky effort to make cardboard models look like battling mechs which is worth watching, but probably not more than once.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

 

Nintendo’s involvement is clear to see with an emphasis on representing positive video game experiences via scenes that all look like unreleased DLC for their major releases. Less clear is why middle aged moustachioed Mario is now a sulky teenager with Dad issues or why Princess Peach’s face looks constantly angry and/or surprised no matter what’s happening.

Cobweb

Starts cliched as fuck, but then gets good, and then gets really good, then gets really silly and then fails to have a satisfactory ending.

The Ghost Station [Ogsuyeog gwisin]

An entirely disconnected intro scene precedes a slew of shitty imitations of moments from other much better movies.

Emma-Mae [Black Sister’s Revenge]

A much better film than Fanaka’s debut despite the absence of an eight foot strangulation cock.

Fantasticozzi

A fascinating insight in to just how insane the Italian film industry was in the seventies and how if you were able to personally be even more insane, then you could enjoy success within it. Cozzi released Silent Running in Italy but presented it as a sequel to 2001 called 2002, the man was absolutely barking.

The Meg 2: The Trench

As good as any Jason Statham sequel can realistically hope to be.

Barbie

A picture perfect realisation of Barbie’s toy landscape shot through with a humour cynical enough for smart people to be able to say that it rises above just being a dumb, pink, feel-good movie but it’s cleverest trick is that it is exactly that. 

Charlotte kept leaning across roughly every ten minutes to tell me that she had one of whatever was onscreen at the time, I definitely don’t recall buying her the shitting dog.

Blood on Méliès' Moon

Utterly crazed mix of giallo homage/love letter to the origins of cinema/playstation 2 level special effects/check out my showbiz mates/multiversal science fiction ideas/Dario Argento’s Museum Of Horror/ramblings of a weird old guy in pyjamas that all looks like it’s been filmed by a complete lunatic who got his hands on an iphone and a couple hundred quid, because that’s exactly what it is.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

A superb blend of Ninja Turtles and Hero Turtles delivered with lashings of style and natural humour that makes the entire experience a joy.

Lux Aeterna

Remarkably dense as Noe jams commentary on art, film, commerce and witchcraft into its tiny runtime before allowing it to dissolve into a structural film exercise. Superb.

Wilczyca [The Wolf/ She-Wolf]

A Polish werewolf movie that’s missing a werewolf and saves all of its excitement up for the last three minutes.

Growing Up With I Spit On Your Grave

Feature length making of from the son of the director of I Spit On Your Grave that contains none of the additional perspective on the film that you’d expect from such a close source.

La presenza perfetta [The Perfect Presence]

Boring adaptation of a boring Henry James story.