Ant-Man And The Wasp: Quantumania

A decent enough episode of a larger saga, but a poor Ant-Man movie with very little Wasp that tests the limits of just how engaging lots of people running in front of green-screen CGI can reasonably be.

Jackass 4.5

Some interviews, some behind the scenes stuff but mostly just more Jackass, which is always a good thing.

Pink Flamingos

A loosely plotted combination of hilarity and revulsion. I definitely saw things I’ve never seen before.

Death Powder [Desu pawada]

Has the vaguest semblance of a plot, but it’s only really there so it can be completely lost in a phenomenal torrent of crazy shit.

Kuroneko [Black Cat/ Yabu no naka no kuroneko]

A gorgeous monochromatic Japanese folk tale with blacks so dense they become a character of their own.

Welcome Home Brother Charles [Soul Vengeance]

A lot better than any film that ends with an eight foot strangulation cock has any right to be.

Street Law [Il cittadino si ribella]

Exhilarating rushes of violence punctuate an unusual buddy story between a young criminal and an ineffectual wet lettuce of a man as they try to end crime. Made me give serious consideration as to who out of Castellari and Lenzi has the best car chases, tough call. King.

The Hearse

Confuses itself entirely as to what story it’s trying to tell, presumably in an attempt to create some kind of twist but instead creating the film equivalent of trying to run with your laces tied together.

Street People [Gli esecutori/ The Executors/ The Sicilian Cross]

Unintelligible plotting navigated by a clearly bewildered Roger Moore.

Beyond The Black Rainbow

The first twenty minutes are all synth drones and people walking down corridors, I closed my eyes for a brief moment and when I opened them much the same thing was still happening only fifteen minutes later the film ended. Make of that what you will.

The Golden Glove [Der goldene Handschuh]

One note and that note is fucking bleak.

Masking Threshold

Impressive that a man talking held my attention for ninety minutes, less so that it all felt half as long again.

Raising Cain [Director’s Cut]

De Palma pushes all of his favourite obsessions to a delirious maximum. So massive amounts of split personality mayhem, lots of moments where everything gets really close to going entirely tits up and a bunch of shots that he’s pretending he definitely didn’t crib from Argento.

964 Pinocchio [Screams Of Blasphemy]

Shouting, puking, shouting, shouting, running, running, running, running, shouting. Shit.

Lady Terminator [Pembalasan Ratu Pantai Salatan/ Nasty Hunter/ Shooting Star]

This is also a direct rip off The Terminator, only with all the cybernetics removed and bizarrely replaced with an ancient curse. A complete laugh riot of appalling dialogue, endless shooting and men getting their dicks fucked off. King.

Hands Of Steel [Vendetta dal futuro/ Atomic Cyborg]

An attempt to get somewhere close to The Terminator by reconstructing it out of arm wrestling and cardboard. Fails to get anywhere near The Terminator.

Cyber Ninja [Mirai Ninja: Keiun Kinin Gaiden]

A proto Power Rangers composed entirely out of exciting sword play action and non stop annoying as fuck electricity sound effects. 

Strange Circus [Kimyo na sakasu]

A grim parade of obscene taboos somehow rendered compulsively watchable. Sono firmly waving the torch he swiped off Miike.

Litan

The fragmentary dreamlike nature of this surrealist escapade was perfectly complimented by the fact that I kept dozing off and it would merge seamlessly with actual dreams. Still struggling to decide if this makes it good or not.

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Was interesting at the start when it was clearly the book Stephen King has ripped off for his entire career. Was boring in the middle when it was an old man complaining of being old and burdening a child with thoughts of their mortality. Was interesting at the end when Jonathan Pryce melted.

The Whale

A necessary chamber piece, because the protagonist is too large to leave the chamber, giving Fraser an opportunity to flex some serious talent and Aronofsky not so much.

The Fabelmans

Spielberg. Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg. Spielberg, Spielberg. Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg… Spielberg. Spielberg, Spielberg, Spielberg. LYNCH.

The Blair Witch Project

The absolute Found Footage grandaddy. I can’t think of another movie that birthed an entire genre and still resolutely stands head and shoulders above every movie spawned in its wake.