Sex With A Smile [40 gradi all'ombra del lenzuolo]

A comedy anthology, meaning that you get five concentrated blasts of leering voyeurism, raw misogyny and rampant sex pest behaviour, none of which are particularly funny.

Malignant

Witless stupidity that frequently made me swear out loud at it in the cinema, particularly so when the awful score would inexplicably mangle The Pixies’ Where Is My Mind presumably done to make listening to the film as shit as what you’re watching.

The City Of Lost Children [La cité des enfants perdus]

Was absolutely remarkable when it first came out, and has lost none of its magic since.

Quel gran pezzo della Ubalda tutta nuda e tutta calda [Ubalda, All Naked And Warm]

Excruciating attempt at comedy where the jokes entirely revolve around either somebody getting hit on the head or somebody being a repugnant sex pest.

Prisoners Of The Ghostland

Aims for ‘arty’ but misses and lands squarely in ‘pointless random shit’ instead.

Dirty Work

Rises above the typically mediocre slew of fumbling attempts by Saturday Night Live alumni to make movies, due partly to some inspired cameos but mostly to Norm Macdonald’s sardonic, blunt, deadpan delivery of every line.

La Pretora [My Sister In Law]

Edwige Fenech plays two roles, both as a straight laced judge and also as her sex obsessed, persistently undressed twin sister who undermines the judge’s position by looking exactly like her and starring in a midget porn adaptation of Snow White, while every man plays the exact same role of a leering, lecherous Tex Avery cartoon.

Shang Chi And The Legend Of The Ten Rings [IMAX]

A swirling contradiction as the film constantly disappoints, but does so by delivering scenes that are undeniably very cool before descending into some kind of Kung Fu Panda 3 pastiche.

Candyman

A sequel to the 90s Barker adaptation that trips over itself trying to slide a new story in so that it isn’t just a sequel and then ends with a twist that basically says ‘none of that matters, this is just a sequel to Candyman’. With the same name.

La moglie in vacanza... l'amante in città [His Wife On Holiday… His Lover In The City]

A successful Italian farce of infidelity and bed hopping that contains moments of genuine hilarity, though the finest of these is somebody taking a shit so hard they bring down the ceiling, so make of that what you will.

When The Screaming Starts

An absolutely shite attempt at a mockumentary whose biggest crime amongst many is consistently forgetting that they establish the camera man as a character in the film, they are spoken to repeatedly by others, but then characters will get into cars and drive off abandoning the camera man or the police will turn up to a murder and utterly ignore the person who is clearly stood there filming a corpse. Bollocks.