The Wax Mask [M.D.C. - Maschera di cera]

A witlessly moronic version of The House Of Wax that attempts to invigorate the whole madman exhibiting corpses coated in wax by having this particular madman install a robotic skeleton in all of the corpses which are linked to a gigantic metal heart in his basement for absolutely no reason. Furthermore, one of these robotic creations is apparently sentient and does all the madman’s dirty work for him until he has his skin melted off leaving him looking like a shoddy bargain basement Terminator.

Oh yeah, and it’s all set in 1912. For fuck’s sake.

Death Occurred Last Night [La morte risale a ieri sera]

Lumped in with Giallo because it’s Italian, made in the seventies and revolves around kidnap and murder, but it’s a much classier film than that. The murdering doesn’t actually kick off till a good two thirds of the way in, there is a bedrock of sleaze - though never sensationalised - instead there for heavy handed social commentary but what distances this most from Giallo is that the characters are likeable, have a realistic enjoyable rapport with each other and actually have background and depth.

Enter The Void

Another absolutely remarkable film from a remarkable director. Does start to lose itself in over indulgence towards the end of its lengthy running time, but then if I’d made something this staggering I’d be loathe to cut any of it out too.

The Crazies

Romero can’t quite decide whether he wants to make a movie about blundering authorities failing to contain a viral outbreak or about blundering civilians failing to escape a viral outbreak, though ultimately the overbearing nihilist tone renders such a decision moot.

Puppet Master: Axis Of Evil

Ninth lump of shit. Yes there is more.

Mystics In Bali [Leák]

A study of some of the weirder ideas behind Indonesian black magic (flaming conker fights, awkward pig transformations, floating heads with organs attached intact) all delivered with the enthusiasm of somebody reading excerpts from a telephone book.

The Soldier With Great Maneuvers [La soldatessa alle grandi manovre]

A weird Italian mix of Carry On movies and Porkys movies set on an army base where every soldier shamelessly gurns for laughs whilst behaving like a horny teenager. Unfortunately the humour is so base and outdated that it comes off as repugnantly offensive throughout taking in scatological humour, homophobia, transphobia, voyeurism, misogyny, rape and hitting the lowest low when a soldier tries to bugger a widow as she’s slumped, wracked with grief next to the corpse of her husband.

The Card Player [Il cartaio]

Without a doubt one of the most irredeemably stupid things I have ever watched.

Who Saw Her Die? [Chi l'ha vista morire?]

A Giallo during which at no point could I have turned to somebody and explained just what the fuck was going on, which meant that who turned out to be the killer just seemed to be a roll of the dice on the characters who appeared most frequently.

Manhattan Baby [Eye Of The Evil Dead]

Typical Fulci dirge as his trademark brutal deaths are used to spice up his trademark non existent attempt at anything approaching narrative. As an added bonus he also includes his trademark fucking shit child actors in this one too.

Uncut Gems

Couldn’t decide if I was watching a movie or having a fairly intense panic attack whilst people yelled at me. Either way, it was good.

Dial: Help [Minaccia d'amore]

Risible nonsense about a phone that tries to kill a model inexplicably causing her to fall in love with it. Worth it for the dead fish, the floating phones and a bit where an entire telephone booth sinks into the ground and its occupant calmly states that it’s ok. King.

The Ogre [Demons 3: The Ogre]

After the success of Demons 1 & 2, Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento parted ways because Argento wanted to make a third Demons movie in a church and Bava wanted to make a movie without Argento’s name above the title, due to everybody’s assumption that Argento was the true talent behind the Demons movies. So Argento went and made The Church and Bava went and proved everybody right with this utter bollocks.

Danger Route

What begins as a shoddy Bond rip off about a spy who can kill with a single well placed karate chop ends as a surprisingly competent spy thriller packed with double-cross, intrigue and the vaguest suggestion that this could all quite easily be a prequel to The Prisoner.

Color Out Of Space

It might be Lovecraft’s story, but it’s definitely Richard Stanley’s movie and it’s fantastic to see him delivering in spades on the promise made by his first two films over a quarter of a century ago. Here’s hoping we won’t have to wait so long for the next one.

Murder-Rock: Dancing Death [Murderock - Uccide a passo di danza/ The Demon Is Loose/ Slashdance]

Fulci’s Giallo follow up to New York Ripper and it’s interesting to see, after the furore over the graphic violence of Ripper, that the murders have been toned down to bloodless and dull affairs. Also interesting, given the accusations of misogyny levelled at Fulci, is his decision to fill ninety percent of the movie with thrusting, leotard clad lady crotches. Did distract me from the fucking awful soundtrack though.

The Invisible Man

Some fudgy plot points, but forgivable given the inventive new take on a very old idea.