Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Sunday, 25 November 2012
Thursday, 22 November 2012
An attempt to post-modernise Hellraiser via clumsy use of the internet swiftly gives way to standard, cliched teens dying at a party bollocks. Pinhead occasionally crops up and looks mildly embarassed then the whole thing ends in a sudden spunk of illogical nonsense.
I'm almost at the bottom of the barrel, one more to go.
Wednesday, 21 November 2012
In the middle of a film about a woman who manages to run in to two serial killers amongst an incomprehensibly edited zombie outbreak, the director uses a demented pervert who rapes a woman with an octopus as a mouthpiece to denounce art-house films as boring. Yeah well, at least they're not mind shatteringly stupid.
What a twat.
Monday, 19 November 2012
Saturday, 17 November 2012
A film based on a theme park ride starring Eddie Murphy. Despite the low expectations generated by such a description I was still amazed at how astonishingly shit the film managed to be. I can only assume that Murphy cries every time he catches sight of himself in a mirror these days.
Friday, 16 November 2012
James Woods' Hades is the only thing that shines as he surfs a wave of mediocre triteness stolen from a catalogue of sources none of which appear to be the original Greek myth.
Charlotte got her first taste of the cinematic disappointment that will plague the rest of her film watching life as she exclaimed "Why isn't Hercules doing the tasks? Why have they turned it into a dumb love story?", though she did provide the best moment of the film when she furiously exploded at the end with "What idiot gives up being a God for a girl?"
I am so proud.