Exam

Intriguing one room thriller that cleverly resists the slide into brutal anarchy that I was expecting, but ultimately leaves you with a feeling akin to the realization that you've been drinking out of a sieve all this time and that's why you're still thirsty.

Synecdoche, New York

Whingy.

The Uninvited

Another asian horror remake, this time popular korean confusion-fest 'A Tale Of Two Sisters'.
An attempt has been made to maintain the subtlety of the original, whilst presenting the film in a more straightforward manner to reduce the level of confusion. The upshot of this is that it's a far more passable remake than most, the downside being that the twist is now nothing more than an explanation as to why the rest of the film is a catalogue of incongruencies.

The Haunting In Connecticut

Incredibly, the plot device that forms the backbone of this one is the particularly distasteful notion that if you have cancer then you are close enough to death to be able to see ghosts.
Based on true events? ...Get fucked.

Stardust

A thoroughly ripping yarn.

The Children

As i watched the first half I was preparing myself to go on about how the painful Britishness totally botches the director's woeful attempts at an eerie atmosphere.
Then the first child died, closely followed by a sharp realisation that it wouldn't be the last, and my sneering cycnicism slowly melted into fascination and awe.

The Losers

I'm roughly 20 years too old for this shit.

Danger: Diabolik

A cinematic archetype of the comic book heist/crime caper.
Plotless, but there is an abundance of sumptuous visual flair constantly in attendance to make up for it.

American Psycho 2

Quick test to see if you are a cunt:
Read/Watch American Psycho then attempt to envisage a sequel to it. If it is even remotely close to this fucking abomination then you're a cunt. Shoot yourself in the face at the nearest opportunity.

Pandorum

The strongest sentiment this managed to raise was "Ummm.... no".
Baffling crap with lumpen headed baddies chasing bad plot twists around a massive cliche that manages to put Event Horizon in a good light.

Dogtooth [Kynodontas]

Like waking up in a morally dubious situation that can only get worse.
The film refuses to explain, judge or explore instead letting everything play out at it's own pace, allowing the idiosyncratic logic of proceedings to nudge it into ever more bizarre and uncomfortable territory.
I flinched twice at the end, even though I could see what was coming.

Suspiria

Argento's masterpiece wherin he takes his three V's (Vivid primary colours, Volume of synth work and Violence toward pretty girls) and pushes them to a sanity defying extreme.