Booksmart

That comedy film you’ve seen plenty of times already about two friends who go on an episodic adventure that will culminate in them falling out and then learning something new. This is one of the better versions of that film.

Hellboy [2019]

Yeah, it’s all over the shop and some of the special effects make your brain wince but all of that would appear to be a means to an end. That end being to cram as much fucking awesome as possible into a meagre two hours, and there’s a lot of it in here.

Delirium [Le foto di Gioia]

Only when watching a Giallo would you get a plot about a lady concerned that her past as a hooker will damage her hard won reputation as a publisher of pornography. And only when watching a Giallo would you get something as ridiculous as a killer’s POV represented by a constantly strobing red light and people in random rubber masks. And only when watching a Giallo would you watch something this shit and still find yourself having a great time.

Gemini Man

The cinematic equivalent of a disinterested shrug. Could have been saved simply by having the two Will Smith’s simultaneously shout ‘oh hell no’ and then quizzically stare at each other, but no. Never mind.

Wounds

Confused bollocks that manages to forget what story it’s telling roughly every 15 minutes and starts a new one instead.

The Day Shall Come

Not Morris’ finest hour, mainly because the lunacy of reality now eclipses the craziest shit that he’s able to dream up.

Burial Ground [Le notti del terrore/ Nights Of Terror]

Fucking awful Italian zombie shit, the scariest bit being when a 13 year old boy, played by a man with dwarfism who’s clearly in his mid twenties, tries to shag his mum.

El Camino: A Breaking Bad Movie

An unnecessary but thoroughly enjoyable coda.

The Lighthouse

If Bergman had made Lovecraft stories. Fucking awesome.

Jojo Rabbit

The last place you’d expect to find heartwarming hilarity is in a tale of the Hitler youth movement at the end of World War 2, and yet here we are.

Joker

The story of how a mentally ill clown who laughs at inappropriate things becomes a mentally ill clown who laughs at inappropriate things whilst arguing with a man dressed as a bat.

The Coming Of Sin [La visita del vicio/ Vice Makes A Visit/ The Violation Of The Bitch/ Sodomia]

Intensely dull bit of smut with an ending that puts you in mind of a wounded animal being put out of its misery.

Eraserhead

David Lynch’s Tim Burton movie.

Ad Astra

I can’t quite decide whether to make a joke about how the over reliance on dad issues means Dad Astra would be a more applicable name, or a joke about how this is basically Apocalypse Now 2: IN SPACE, or a joke about the scene with the space baboons, or a joke about how such a ponderous attempt at a serious film made me think of so many jokes. I’ll let you know when I figure it out.

EDIT: Two weeks late I now realise i should have simply just written ‘Mad Bad Sad Dad Astra’. A missed opportunity.

In The Aftermath

An anime titled Angel's Egg that, due to worries that it would be incomprehensible to Western audiences, has been heavily re-edited, badly re-dubbed and clumsily stuffed into some very cheap live action footage filmed in an abandoned power station, the result being it is now incomprehensible to all audiences.