The Devil’s Honey [Divine Obsession]

Fulci attempts an erotic thriller that despite the non stop display of graphic nudity and people in distress, is neither erotic nor thrilling.

Demonia

A kind of attempt at a sequel to The Beyond at the same time as a rampaging undead nun movie at the same time as the maddest episode of Columbo you’ve ever seen.

Contraband [Luca il contrabbandiere/ The Smuggler/ The Naples Connection]

Hopelessly convoluted with messy morals and absolutely no control over its tone, all par for the course for Fulci fucking up his only attempt at a crime drama.

La Pretora [My Sister In Law]

Edwige Fenech plays two roles, both as a straight laced judge and also as her sex obsessed, persistently undressed twin sister who undermines the judge’s position by looking exactly like her and starring in a midget porn adaptation of Snow White, while every man plays the exact same role of a leering, lecherous Tex Avery cartoon.

The Psychic [Sette note in nero/ Murder to the Tune of the Seven Black Notes]

Doesn’t really work as a film due to the remarkable level of coincidence required for the plot, the weird illogical leaps made by the script or the total lack of self awareness from any of the characters. But then by the same argument this does work as a fantastic Giallo.

Aenigma

Late period Fulci that bucks his usual M.O. with a mostly coherent plot and a boredom to lunacy ratio that gleefully leans into the madness. King.

One On Top Of The Other [Una sull'altra/ Perversion Story]

Springs from the same source as Hitchcock’s Vertigo only with considerably more strippers and erotic photographers.

Touch Of Death [Quando Alice ruppe lo specchio/ When Alice Broke The Looking Glass]

In which Fulci puts in a lot of effort to ensure that audiences watching this mess are as bored and uninterested as he clearly was in making it.

Manhattan Baby [Eye Of The Evil Dead]

Typical Fulci dirge as his trademark brutal deaths are used to spice up his trademark non existent attempt at anything approaching narrative. As an added bonus he also includes his trademark fucking shit child actors in this one too.

Murder-Rock: Dancing Death [Murderock - Uccide a passo di danza/ The Demon Is Loose/ Slashdance]

Fulci’s Giallo follow up to New York Ripper and it’s interesting to see, after the furore over the graphic violence of Ripper, that the murders have been toned down to bloodless and dull affairs. Also interesting, given the accusations of misogyny levelled at Fulci, is his decision to fill ninety percent of the movie with thrusting, leotard clad lady crotches. Did distract me from the fucking awful soundtrack though.

A Cat In The Brain [Un gatto nel cervello/ Nightmare Concert]

In which Fulci stars as a version of himself plagued by visions of brutal sadistic violence, sordid sleazy sex and overblown nazi orgies all brought on by the demented insanity he must stage and film for his own movies. This could have been a complex meta commentary on Horror and its impact on the creator, but is actually just an excuse to recycle all the nastiest bits from a series of cheap horror movies made by other directors and released under the banner 'Lucio Fulci Presents' in the late eighties, the net result being I now want to watch all of them.

The House By The Cemetery [Quella villa accanto al cimitero]

Fulci's innate inability to handle story, subtlety or logic actually works in his favour as every character behaves unusually, creating weird atmospheres that then frequently explode into an excess of gory stabbing. King.

Don't Torture A Duckling [Non si sevizia un paperino].

In which Fulci weaves a completely coherent narrative around his trademark madness, gore and bad taste making for an absolutely fantastic Giallo, and now I know he's capable of making such a good film it makes all his other shit I've sat through frustratingly worse.

The Black Cat [Gatto Nero]

The opening credits state that this is 'freely adapted from Edgar Allen Poe's short story', which here appears to be Italian shorthand for 'completely disregard the original story and make a film about a cat that kills people by hypnotism'.

The New York Ripper [Lo squartatore di New York]

Jam packed with sleaze, violence and Donald Duck impressions, yet Fulci still manages to make it convoluted, long-winded and boring.

The Beyond [...E tu vivrai nel terrore! L'aldilà/ Seven Doors Of Hell]

 

Lucio Fulci once again exhibits an astounding level of incompetence, this time adding a smattering of vague Lovecraft references in an attempt to spice up his usual mix of unnecessary gore, baffling incoherence and coma inducing boredom.

 

Zombie Flesh Eaters [Zombie/Zombi 2]

As much as it is a privilege to see a Fulci on the big screen it's unlikely to stop his films being boring as fuck.
This one features the iconic zombie vs shark wrestle amongst other highlights but was still boring as fuck.

Lizard In A Woman's Skin [Una lucertola con la pelle di donna/Schizoid]

A giant goose, hippies filled from head to feet with acid and surprise vivisection are but tiny slivers of trashy genius in a tedious, overlong, unnecessarily complex yet blindingly obvious, crime thriller mush.

City Of The Living Dead [Paura nella città dei morti viventi/The Gates Of Hell]

Dots of mirthful outrageousness (such as an undead priest staring at a girl so hard that she vomits out her internal organs before tearing her boyfriends brain through the back of his head) unfortunately joined up by a scraggly biro line of cardboard acting, shoddy effects and teleporting zombies that renders the whole affair so dull it took three attempts to get through it.
I'm glad I made the effort though, primarily due to the preposterous synth-techno zombie inferno climax that closes the whole mess.