Baba Yaga [The Devil Witch]

A witch puts a curse on a fashion photographer's camera under the misguided notion that this will make her abandon her boyfriend for some weird old lady action instead. Really just an excuse to show a lot of arty tits.

The Dead Don't Die

Both a love letter to Romero's original Night and a flippant dissection of modern zombie cinema all delivered absolutely deadpan at a glacial pace. Loved it.

The Iguana With The Tongue Of Fire [La iguana de la lengua de fuego]

Ninety minutes of pure 'what the fuck?'
There's a cat in the fridge, a hilarious suicide which is meant to be in slow motion but is actually everybody just pretending it's in slow motion, Italians dubbed with Irish accents, every character being weird and suspicious all of the time and absolutely nothing makes sense. Both utterly appalling and totally amazing. Recommended.

Anna

It's always sad to watch a director attempt to revisit their superb debut feature and piss out a pathetic facsimile instead.
The teenager said it reminded her of a TV show called Nikita, demonstrating that Besson can now disappoint on a multi generational level too.

Whirlpool [She Died With Her Boots On/ Perversion Flash]

A horny old lady and her psychotic nephew invite a model to their remote house to ply her with drugs and alcohol so they can have lots of sex with her, and each other, all whilst the model tries to figure out what happened to the last girl in her position, which you already know because of the tagline on the movie poster.

Forbidden Photos Of A Lady Above Suspicion [Le foto proibite di una signora per bene]

Incredibly convoluted mystery that hinges on the extreme pliabilty of the central heroine, with an ending that I think might be one of the cleverest reveals in giallo cinema but everything's so muddled by that point I wasn't sure that I'd got all the facts right, or even if they were facts.

Midsommar

Absolutely fucking phenomenal. On every level.

High Life

Usually when an arthouse movie posits 'Isn't life special?' it's so it can put you through a few hours of mumbling before slapping you across the face with a resounding 'Yes! Of course it is!'
This rather refreshingly goes for 'No, not really. But that we keep asking that question is.'

Spider-Man: Far From Home [IMAX 3D]

A clever villain that subverts expectation and some jaw dropping shot choices make this more than just an Endgame postscript.

Yesterday

Difficult to like. I tried, but it's bollocks.

Men In Black: International

Not only have I lost the two hours I wasted sitting through this, but I've also lost the hour it took for my face muscles to uncramp from the consistent wincing at just how fucking awful it was.
The teenager said she liked it but only because Hemsworth took his shirt off.

Venus In Furs [Le malizie di Venere/ Devil In The Flesh]

A valiant attempt at a serious psychosexual study of masochism rendered unintelligible by Italian film making.

Tales From The Crypt Presents Bordello Of Blood

In which I'm pretty sure Dennis Miller imagines he's dropping spontaneous diamond sharp wisecracks throughout and that will make him a star, when in fact what he's actually doing is just describing what's happening in a patronising, faintly mocking tone of voice which makes him a wanker.

Hellraiser III: Hell On Earth

An experiment in what would somebody look like with 'x' in their head, where 'x' can be freely replaced with pins, pistons, barbed wire, a camera, a lump of ice, hooks, pool balls, CDs, a cigarette or even Pinhead himself but absolutely not 'a single clue of how to make a decent fucking movie'.

Toy Story 4

In the first a toy with an identity crisis leads everybody else off on a big adventure, then in the second everybody has to fend off unwanted advances from a bunch of old collectable toys and finally in the third the toys become self aware and begin to consider larger questions about their existence.
No, not previous installments in the series, I'm describing the three acts in this one.