Late Phases

(Frightfest Day 2)
Lacks style, tension, likeable characters, decent creature effects, suspense and plot.

Zombeavers

(Frightfest Day 1)
Does not have high pretensions. Does have glove puppets. Did make me laugh.

Sin City: A Dame To Kill For

(Frightfest Day 1)
A one trick pony given a second run-around to tell a series of interconnected stories that generally centre on defenestration and wet punching sounds.

The Guest

(Frightfest Day 1)
The You're Next team continue to explore Slasher Cinema from the most unlikely, yet curiously satisfying, of directions.

The New York Ripper [Lo squartatore di New York]

Jam packed with sleaze, violence and Donald Duck impressions, yet Fulci still manages to make it convoluted, long-winded and boring.

The Expendables 3

 

Absolute atrocity that tries to resist such criticism by taking every opportunity to make you aware that it knows so as it inorexably descends into a collage of muzzle flash and grunting men making silly faces at each other.

 

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

 

A two hour wait for the main character to catch up with the audience.

Fortunately this time round, I managed to stun Charlotte into silence with my ability to spot a plot twist from the first blatant signpost.

 

The Hunger Games

 

A light skim across the top of a larger story. It's ok though because Charlotte, who is presently addicted to all things Hunger Games, filled in all the gaps for me in breathless monologue. It's like watching a movie with a fucking audiobook version of Wikipedia rattling away in the background.

 

Antisocial

 

Likes to think its being clever by using social networking to spread a fairly standard, cannibalistic, insatiable blood-lust rage virus through a gormless pack of teens. The one area the film does excel at is 'stupidest place to put the final shot of the film' by opting to print it on the DVD itself.

 

Charlie's Angels

 

I remembered this as being pretty good. Turns out I remembered a pretty good 3 minute action sequence, forgetting the other 87 minutes of idiotic fluff. Charlotte liked it regardless.

The House Of Exorcism

 

Bava's Lisa And The Devil stripped down to its bare bones of sex, violence and Telly Savalas, with a half hour of additionally shot, expletive riddled possession footage crowbarred in to profit off the success of The Exorcist.

Now makes even less sense.

 

Guardians Of The Galaxy

 

Marvel have never feared change to revitalise and now bring this strength to their film franchise, opening up a far wider, richer universe. Director Gunn's deft weaving of character, nostalgia, humour and luscious colour means that this is also the closest so far a Marvel movie has got to being like a comic book. And the tree's fucking ace.

The Dream Quest Of Unknown Kadath

A film in the loosest sense, more a graphic novel crudely animated by cutting it up and sliding it about a bit under some fairly wooden voice acting for an hour and a half. A bit like watching storyboards for the most amazing animated movie you will never get to see.

Lisa And The Devil [Lisa e il diavolo]

 

Bava's love letter to gothic drama is a gorgeous delerium addled dream state that slowly descends into a series of gruesome deaths marshalled by a smirking Kojak.

King.

Shadow [L'ombra]

 

Tulpa director's first film is about a mountain biker with a wildly fluctuating accent who discovers that the Italian countryside is jam packed with psychotic sadists, all of whom also have wildly fluctuating accents.

Add in Tulpa guy licking the back of a toad and then tripping balls and it's clear that all of Zampaglione's hallmarks were in place way before he blessed the world with his second masterpiece.